September 15, 2005
(Source: Rohan News Agency)
FLASH! Urgent news for all men everywhere. . . for your face.
The multi billion dollar shaving market was shocked, electrified and electrocuted yesterday when world market-leader Gillette announced it will introduce a sixteen blade razor.
Apart from being the first fifteen blade razor, it is the world’s first razor to feature advanced technology on the front AND back AND behind the blade cartridge.
On the back of the cartridge is an additional miniature Precision Trimmer blade enabling the approximately 40% of US males sporting some form of facial hair to trim, shape and shave under and in their nose and in their ears, without drawing too much blood.
Gillette has locked up approximately 70% of the global shaving market, but Schick has been making inroads recently with a temporary court injunction against false advertising claims by Gillette for its M3Power razor (currently the top selling razor in the U.S, utilizing an advanced micro powercell running on bathroom fumes.)
Gillette’s inability to legally prevent Schick selling its fourteen blade razor by arguing that the patent it holds for thirteen-bladed razors also extends to fourteen-bladed razors. The CEO of Schick was heard to say, “Nany, Nany, Nah, Nah!”
That, and the news a fortnight ago that Schick would introduce a powered model of its new fourteen blade razor, powered by errant menthane gas found in and around 86% of American bathrooms, and which the extra long handle of the new powered blade also contains a single D-cell battery backup.
However, there is little reason to believe the persistent rumors that either of these razor giants will incorporate the new Apple iTunes music dowloading capability into their razor products anytime soon, since neither of these razors currently have the capability to play music or audio on their advanced, intricate and highly advanced technological instruments. If anyone wants that capability, they would have to move to japan, where all such bathroom products play songs as well as act as cell phones, video players and fax machines. Such products are not currently available in the U.S., (nor will they likely ever be).
Film at 11.
PS – APPLE HAS JUST LAUNCHED SUPPORT FOR VIDEO PODCASTING AT iTMS. BE THE FIRST IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD TO PRODUCE VIDEO PODCASTS. – Gondor News Syndicate
We now return you to your regularly scheduled blogs – after the jump.
Roger Born
“No Sig is a good Sig”
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