Poor Real.com. All that music and no one to sell it to. Well, except for those that bought one of their MP3/AAC players. What to do? HEY! Why not back-door Apple’s DRM so that music sold from the Real site can work with iPods? You know, that player that actually makes a profit for it’s maker?
And the powers that be created Harmony! And Harmony would allow you to download songs from Real.com and play them on your iPod.
Except it didn’t take Apple long to respond. At first just with words. “We think Real has taken a hacker’s approach in order to gain access to the iPod!” said one completely made up by me Apple spokesman. “Therefore we think Paul Glaser (Real’s CEO and head banana-man) is just one big chowder (that’s CHOWDAH!) head.”
Apple did more than talk however. At some point, no one seems sure exactly when it occurred, they changed something in the iPods firmware and now songs downloaded from Real no longer work.
The most telling point of this story is that no one seemed to notice at first. My guess is that most people who actually downloaded songs from Real, downloaded during that half-price sale they had going for awhile. These songs were most likely whatever was Top-40 at the time and now no longer listened to.
I searched out and found one of the people who downloaded songs from Real during that time and asked her why she didn’t notice her songs no longer worked. Her name? Jessica Britney Simspears. I found her answers illuminating and annoying.
Me: Hi Jessica. Mind if I ask you some questions about your Real purchases?
JBS: Well, I went to the Mall and stopped at both the GAP and Old Navy, but like, just for laughs. I don’t reeaally buy anything there…
M: No, I mean the music you bought from Real.com
JBS: OH! You mean for my iPod! Yeeaah, my like, boyfriend like, helped me. He like, downloaded the software and installed it on my parent’s Dell.
M: On your parent’s computer?
JBS: NO! C’mon, on my parent’s Dell! Weren’t you like, listening?
M: Sorry, my mistake. So, you downloaded all these songs from the Real website. When did you notice they no longer worked?
JBS: They don’t work anymore?
M: Yes. Apple changed the firmware so that songs downloaded from Real using Harmony no longer work.
JBS: OH MY GAHD! That’s terrible! How did a fruit company stop music with harmony from playing on my iPod?
A moment was needed to explain slowly and carefully that Apple Computers were the makers of her iPod and that Real was the company she made her online song purchases from. By the fourth time, she seemed to understand.
M: OK, now when did you notice the SONGS you bought from REAL no longer worked on the APPLE IpOD?
JBS: Wow! You are like, being so hostile!
M: My apologies. I must have missed my meds today.
JBS: Ya know, my friend Kourtny was like, like that once. I thought she was going through early dudestop.
M: Wait..hold it. Uh..dudestop?
JBS: Yah. Ya know, when those girls things stop happening?
M: I don’t……wait,… you mean menopause?
JBS: I think that’s it! I slept through most of my like, hygeine class.
M: (visably shaking) Can….can we get back to talking about music now?
JBS: Sure, just like, stop changing the subject.
M: I’m trying. (Almost openly weeping) I’m really trying!
JBS: You are soooo like, emotional!
M: When…when did you notice?
JBS: Oh like right away! I mean you’re crying and everything.
M: No, I mean about the songs..that stopped…playing..iPod
JBS: OH! Well, I never really like, did. I mean, those songs are so yesterday. HEY! Do you like, know that song?
At this point Jessica begins singing (badly) Hillary Duff’s song “So Yesterday”. I gripped the bench I was sitting on to keep from strangling her. Her last comment to me was to ask whether songs not sung in harmony would still work. A Mall Security Guard came by and escorted me from the premises. I tipped him 5 dollars at the door and thanked him profusely
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