Monster Hunt-2005

I’m a stay at home parent and that means, well, I stay at home a lot. Which I enjoy, there’s nothing better than watching your child grow up and the experience of a seeing three footer run around with unbridled joy. On the other hand the money sucks and coloring books aren’t really very well written but all in all it is not an experience I would trade for any amount of cash. Still it does get tedious and, since the wife works an absurd number of hours, I can feel a bit put upon at times. In short: there are no weekends and a family vacation is just more of the same. Hence so I’ve decided to go monster hunting.

Those who know me well know that I’m a pretty skeptical guy. Aliens? Yeah, there are space travelers landing on earth all the time with nefarious abduction schemes. I mean why not? Except for the laws of physics, motivation, much more reasonable explanations and common sense there is no reason that Aliens wouldn’t be visiting us constantly. Crop Circles? It is too laugh, and I’m sure a bunch of people are laughing. Loch Ness Monster? Loch Ness tourism generator. Bigfoot? I think it used to be a weird AOL search engine or something. Reasonably priced, well-prepared meal in a family style restaurant? Unconvincing until l find a place that doesn’t offer a cheese covered baked potato. So it might be surprising that I’m going on a hunt for a creature, that in all actuality, doesn’t exist.

There are a few mitigating factors:
A) I like to make movies. I like to make monster hunt movies. The hardest thing about making a movie is getting footage. This solves the problem.
B) Like I mentioned earlier, I need a break.
C) I get to go with Todd. This is both a blessing and a curse. Todd is my best friend and we don’t spend enough time together. On the other hand Todd has the world’s smallest bladder and it is, generally, a ten-hour drive. Ten hours in a car with Todd means forty seven breaks so he can excrete a thimble full of urine. Plus Todd likes to camp. You know that get back to nature stuff. Me, I like hotels, you know, I enjoy all the advances of civilization like ESPN and air conditioning. So we’ll probably have to camp a few nights.
D) Beer. Massive amounts.
E) Fishing. I like to fish. I like to yank the cold steel barbed hook through the lip of the fish. I like to reel the fighting stressed beast in, unhook him and send him on his way. You call it animal cruelty I call it Saturday afternoon and Saturday afternoon is pretty sweet.
F) Beer

So, yeah, you could really just call it a fishing trip. Except I have actually had an encounter with the creature we are hunting: The Altamahaha It was long ago, I was in sixth grade and, as I spent most of my youth, fishing in brackish water. On a very hot day fishing off a backwoods bridge in Jacksonville Beach, Florida I saw what I believe to be a sea monster. Two or three friends and I were hanging lines off the rickety bridge when a positively monsterous form cruised silently beneath the bridge. The beast was clearly outsized for the narrow pass we were fishing and hence we stood awestruck as the shadow passed. A few moments later the beast surfaced and the eldest among us positively identified the thing as a manatee so the mystery was solved. On the other hand properly edited manatee film would go long way towards establishing the “reality” of a Darien GA sea monster. Plus those few moments of uncertainty, the time I spent convinced I was seeing a sea monster, were some of the most interesting of my life.

At this point the nature of skepticism in general begs to be discussed. Why, for example, is it okay to be skeptical of the Bigfoot film and while being accepting of the evidence for the existence of the Ivory-Billed Woodpecker? Or why is creationism such a stretch when evolution is accepted as rock solid fact? In reverse order: because evolution is a fact, like gravity, and because Bigfoot is so much more unlikely than the notion of a few of existing Ivory-Bills. Sure Gigantopithecus Blacki once existed but…

Who am I trying to kid? It is a fishing trip with guys likely getting drunk.

Well that is about enough of that (and by “enough” I mean far too much) but if you live in southern Georgia email me.

In other news: once a year I get a bad jones to build something from wood. Why I have no idea. This year’s creation:

Grade C+
I tried finishing the piece with walnut oil but that doesn’t add much so I’ll probably hit it with boiled linseed oil. Then some stain. And in all probability end up ruining the thing. Par for the course I suppose (I am a really bad woodworker). My last project.
Crappy computer desk

Time for links:

I like comics, for some reason this kills me:
Unintntionally sexual comic book covers

Oncoming
Depressing.