When I was a young lad, maybe seven or eight, I spent all my spare time reading books with titles like: Loch Ness Monster: Bad drawings Inside or Aliens I have Met or even (and books of this ilk were my fave): The Truth Behind Bigfoot: One Campers harrowing Tale of Lice and Stolen Beer. Since my parents, being reasonably educated people, refused to buy any of “those kind” of books for me I would get them all at the school library. When I had read all of the school’s offerings (since it was Grand Island, Nebraska the school offerings were slim, you only need a few books if the entire enrollment is like seven kids or so) I went to the public library. I read all the books the public library had, even the really boring ones without color pictures or crappy drawings. My marathon reading sessions were only interrupted when I felt the urge to pass a beating out to my little sister or when In Search Of… came on (Saturday afternoon). (In any event to alleviate my parents worries that I was too narrowly focused on the strange I built a working telegraph one Saturday morning. This probably would have been okay, even impressive, but I needed wire for the windings so I liberated it from the phone cords.)
Being a credulous youth I believed every single thing I read or saw, even the internally contradictory stuff. I would earnestly ask my parents their opinions on the subject and they would just look disappointed. I don’t remember my father ever looking more depressed than when he let me pick the movie and I opted for some pabulum about near death experiences and UFOs. They weren’t skeptics or anything, heck they’d bundle me off to Church every Sunday and any mildly important religious holiday (Feast of the Ascension of Touchdown Jesus) but they thought I was wasting my time with such twaddle. I disagreed, I maintained that the Loch Ness Monster would surely be hauled out of the Loch at any moment, Bigfoot was quite possibly roaming the cornfields of Nebraska AND if you ever got hit with those cool electrified paddles that made your heart start you’d be free of religious doubts because you would have already had a nice long chat with Jesus.
Of course none of that stuff ever happened and, at some point, I became skeptical. I suspect the catalyst was when I took a quiz called “Are you an Abductee?” and realized that I was a probable victim but also realized that anyone who had ever drank more than ten beers would answer the questions in such a manner that they would undoubtedly be an excellent abductee candidate.
It is at this point I must note how utterly ripped off I feel by being born pre world wide web. Because of this story I started searching for some of the stuff that would have interested me as a kid and, if the ‘net had been accessible and as ….ummm… “Information packed” as it is now, I’d still be living in my parents basement. Which explains why I won’t let my kid anywhere near the net, I want him out of the house ASAP.
One thing I learned is: It’s not just Nessie and Bigfoot anymore. Take a gander at:
Champ Quest Hey if you’re not convinced after that display…
My Fave:
Get That Sea Serpent
Of course Nessie is still around:
Incident at Loch Ness Hey, I’ve already seen The Blair Witch Project.
Don’t forget everyone hirsute fave:
Bigfoot Encounters
Wow, if you read all that you need to get your medication adjusted. I’d ask for a little more Pro and a little less Zac. Time for links and the alliteration Hall of Fame. Why are the words so in the A.H.oF. big? So you know when to stop scrolling.
Mercurial Matt’s Masterful Manifest of Misused Materials
From Matt:
Echelons Spook Word Generator
Be sure to include the output in every e-mail you send
A terrific Pic (I love these things)
From Beth
Achewood
Nice Toon, Alliteration abounds.
From Roger:
Sniggle.net
Cooltext
Make your own logo
From Xiang:
Bittersweet
Exactly the kind of film I would never make, but also pretty good (that should tell you something)
Greatest Product Review Ever:
The Original earPodâ„¢
This is where you can tell the pros from the utter hacks. David manages to get several hundred readable words out of a piece of plastic. He has my undying respect.
A strange thing happens every Thursday. I read a Mac related article and think it is quite possibly the greatest Mac related piece ever written. It’s a very strange thing but it has happened yet again:
1. Obtain G5 iMac 2. Void Warranty 3. Profit!
PWI index: .005
Beth Freakin’ Lock/cks Tridiot rating: 119%
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