There seems to be an awful lot of really bad tv shows on the airwaves these days. I know, I’ve brought this up before, but you know I’m right. The coveted market for network TV programmers is the teenaged to mid-twentysomething. This is a simple fact, proven by the preponderance of such brain rotting glop as “Fear Factor”. Is it just me, or is that host, Joe Rogan, the archetype of a college Frat boy, in his seventh or eighth year as an undergrad? By all means, correct me if I’m wrong.
So, what does all this mean? Simply put, it means that it’s once again time for me to write for network tv. Now really, could I possibly be any worse than the yo-yos’ who are doing it now? I think not. And thus,,,,
Fear Factor: The Revenge! Just what the viewers, (not to mention a lot of contestants) want to see! Former contestants on the show take turns making Joe Rogan do all the dangerous, lurid, and disgusting things he has made all of them do over the past several seasons. Laughs aplenty as Joe must swim through polluted water (while naked), eat bugs and worms of all sizes and kinds, and drink whatever the former show contestants tell him to drink. As an extra bonus, Joe must then put on a blindfold and walk into a room while wearing nothing but a pink speedo! After he’s in the room, we remove the blindfold, and Joe learns that he’s standing in the shower of a Texas prison, surrounded by long-timers. Yep, laughs aplenty.
At Home with Pam. Join hostess Pamela Anderson, as she hangs out at home with hubby Kid Rock, and the kids. Pam and Kid describe their married life, what the kids are up to, and what’s going on in her multi-million dollar house. Women will be transfixed by Pam’s detailed account, and men will probably just watch with the sound muted, much in the same way they watch Britney Spear’s videos.
Lost in Time. This new series from Fox follows the adventure of two teenagers from 2004, who screwed up a physics project, and somehow zapped themselves back to the same high school, but in the year 1964! Oops! Hilarity ensues as our heros must learn all new words, and get used to such things as school dress codes, hallway monitors, and actually having to do homework. Check out their puzzled faces, as a female classmate gets sent home for wearing a skirt an inch above the knee, and another gets suspended for daring to bring his “transistor radio” to school. You’ll laugh out loud as a teacher berates them in front of the entire class for talking out of turn, and then assigns them something called “detention”. You’ll smirk as they’re forced to actually read books by the likes of Joseph Conrad and Henry Longfellow. And what’s this? Math? And no calculator?? You mean I have to know how to do it? Oh No!!! Most parts not cast as of yet, but watch for John DeLancie as “The Principal”, Julia Louise Dreyfus in the role of “Miss Dupont, the Algebra teacher”, and Roseanne Barr as “the cafeteria lady”. Special appearance by Neil Patrick Harris as “The Custodian”, and the only one who knows the truth about our time travelling heros.
Frankie and Johnny. Jason Alexander stars as siamese twins, Frankie and Johnny. Through the use of CGI technology, Alexander plays arch conservative Republican Frankie, and ultra Liberal Democrat Johnny. They’re total political opposites and yet, there they are, stuck to each other! Hah, Hah, Hah! In the opener, Johnny makes a one thousand dollar donation to the Democratic national committee, and wins an in-person visit with his hero, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton. Needless to say, this does not sit well at all with Frankie, who counters by making an equal donation to the Republican party. Hilarity ensues. Watch for a cameo by Senator Clinton, who makes an impassioned speech about the plight of the handicapped, and an appearance in the second episode by Ann Coulter, who invites Frankie to appear on a conservative talk show with her, not realizing he must bring the liberal Johnny with him! Hilarity ensues, really.
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