In Other News This Week . . .

WASHINGTON
It looks like Tom DeLay, House Majority leader, indicted for criminal conspiracy in campaign fundraising, will be immediately extradited to Texas, where he will be soundly punished for his crimes by the people of his party, who will be making him run and be elected for governor of that state. News about this surfaced when someone thought it was a nifty way to remove him from further prosecution. Opponents of the plan thought it would be better if Mr. DeLay were to instead be made to ask North Korea for asylum.

THE GULF COAST
The governmental agency that previously determined that tornadoes are attracted to mobile home parks, as also determined that hurricanes are attracted to low lying coastal towns, particularly ones situated below sea level. On another note, plans are in the works in New Orleans for simply allowing the city to join the rest of Lake Pontchartrain and be done with it, and build the city on higher ground somewhere else, perhaps in Montana. Also, it is noted that FEMA, citing increased efficiency and speed in helping people in need, delivered 25 tons of ice cubes for the refugees at the Superdome in New Orleans today.

NEW YORK
A reporter at the New York Times was astonished to learn that people in prison for life sentences usually die in prison. “I thought they got out after a few years of rehabilitation.” He was heard to exclaim. “You know, 5 to 10 for life, and 15 to 20 for multiple life sentences.” He thought that having to die in prison serving a life sentence, was “excessive punishment.” “Other people get off after a short stay, for good behavior. Why not lifers too?”

CALIFORNIA
With the recent fire storm nearly put out, officials wanted to thank it for only consuming a couple of homes amid all the damage to the pristine landscape out there. They had to commend the fire for giving them such a great workout, and allowing them to justifiably take pride in the quick and professional response they made in battling the fire, saving lives and protecting proptery. The firestorm made no reply, but returning residents thought it was “just probably looking for a movie role, like everyone else in Los Angeles.”

HOLLYWOOD
Haley Joel Osment, former child star, surprised everyone today, by announcing that he is going to marry. His bride-to-be is the formerly living Betty Davis. (Yes, that one!) This announcement follows another surprising one from Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, who shocked the world by saying that they had gotten married in a private ceremony. Nobody even know Mr. Kutcher was old enough to get married. Wondering about the extreme age difference between Mr. Osment and Ms. Davis, (as well as her being dead and all), the young man simply said, “I still see dead people.”

APPLE COMPUTER
News surfaced this week that Apple Computer will hire Microsoft to create and distribute their newest OS for them. Sources report that Mr. Jobs said, “Why not? All operating systems are pretty much alike now days, and besides, they have hundreds of thousands of programmers with nothing better to do, right?” It is hard, however, not to speculate what this will mean for future operating systems that Microsoft might develop for use on PCs, or the effect such an action would have on Apple’s plans to migrate their own hardware and software to Intel chips.

Enjoy your weekend. Life is stranger than you know, so you might as well enjoy it.

Regards,
Roger Born
“Sorry, No Refunds.”