The Marriage Amendment

On Tuesday, November 4, 2004 the state of Utah joined with ten other states of our great nation to pass Amendment 3 to affirm that marriage shall only be between a man and a woman. (Or, as it is in the case of Utah in some places, between a man and a woman and a woman and a woman, although that is not officially sanctioned, this is excused with a shrug and the wink of an eye because two genders are involved.)

You see, we don’t want any of those creepy homosexuals who have deep, loving, long lasting and caring relationships to spoil marriage because they, you know, dip body parts into people and places God didn’t mean them to go, and we know that to be a fact because he said so in the Bible. And ewwww…icky! We can be enormously proud that we can now prevent those couples who commit their lives to one another without the safety net of marriage the right to adopt those unadoptable children who are born with AIDS or drug dependencies or trapped in the foster care system. We can also be damn proud that that segment of society is now denied a the right of marriage as they go about their business while still being allowed to contribute to our tax base and our economy.

I read the for and against arguments for Amendment 3 in the official voter pamphlet. The argument for the amendment states: “Social stability has always depended on strong marriages. Many families, of course, face difficult challenges, including divorce and the absence of a mother or father. These challenges are no reason to abandon the ideal relationship where men, women and children thrive best and that is an enduring natural marriage between a man and a woman.” Is that a compelling argument, or what?

The argument against Amendment 3 states: “Same sex couples in committed, long-term relationships can never receive any of the more than 1,000 legal rights and protections provided to married couples including tax benefits, inheritance rights, and basic rights such as the right to visit one’s partner in the hospital or make medical decisions in a emergency, health insurance benefits, and could even interfere with power of attorney, wills, medical directives, property arrangements, and joint bank accounts.”

Yes, we in Utah can be proud that we are upholding the tradition of marriage and family. We rank 7th in the nation for teen pregnancy. We have the highest birth rate and the largest household size in the nation. 75% of domestic violence in Utah goes unreported. Utah ranked 16th in the nation in domestic violence murders, 23% higher than the national rate. Utah’s divorce rate is 4.3 per 1,000, with the national average being 4.1 per 1,000. The age of majority for a woman to marry is 16, (raised from the age of 14 in 2002.) In the case of child sexual abuse, 43% of the offenders are blood relatives, parents or adoptive parents. Way to go Utah! Why, if we let the queers get married, our entire family value system may crumble, and as you can read from the above, we’re doing so well in this department.

(Behind closed doors in the Utah statehouse, white men in suits, jubilant from their victory against the fags, are feverishly paging through the Bible to find the passage that says the nigras and the wimmen shouldn’t be allowed to vote. “Gotta be in here somewhere, Brother Young.” “With faith and determination and a belief in God and family values, I believe you will find it, Brother Hinton.” “Amen.”)