Today I visited the orthopedic surgeon. Well, that’s wrong. I visited the orthopedic surgeon’s Physicians Assistant. He took some x-rays and poked around on the troublesome knee. Diagnosis: arthritis. Arthritis? I’m thirty five! Ah, whatever. I can live with it I suppose. In any event since there was no precipitating incident coinciding with the massive swelling and since I had run a fever (102.3 F for interested parties) it was decided that a sample of fluid should be taken for analysis.
Let me backtrack for a moment. The original idea was to jam a needle in the knee bone area and apply a liberal dose of Cortisone. Why? To decrease the swelling and ease the pain. But it doesn’t hurt. Sure it hurt like hell Friday, Saturday, and a little bit on Sunday but now it just feels stiff. So I pass on the cortisone shot. I pass not only because the knee doesn’t hurt but because I know the shot WILL hurt. It’s a shot in the freakin knee after all. I just couldn’t see the point of getting a shot to relieve non existant pain. I remain troubled by the feeling that the knee is unstable, ready to give out at any moment but I didn’t think the painful injection was going to help that.
Anyway I give in on the check for infection deal. Sure I’ve already taken a bit of Tequin though I really like to avoid non intoxicating drugs as much as possible. Since this guy has me scared, why not? I can give a sample right? Somehow we got our wires crossed and I ended up getting the thing drained. I’d guess they pulled about twelve fluid ounces off my knee. It was a yellowish fluid, looked like Budweiser without the bubbles. The thing is…IT HURT REAL BAD. The process is as follows: Get super giant sized neeedle, jam in knee, pull plunger back. I can take the pinky sized needle, I can take the jam in knee part and I didn’t notice the plunger part. The part that bothered me (remember I thought they were taking a sample) was when they went minimg for fluid. See it isn’t enought to get the easily accesible stuff, nope, a decent knee sucker will move the needle under the kneecap, around the tibia, basically anywhere a milliliter of fluid (that wasn’t bothering me) may be hiding. Honestly it was so unpleasant that if I ever see the guy who did it I’m going to fight him. My knee actually hurts now. Thanks a lot Doctorb.
The only bright side was the drive home. Like I mentioned the knee really didn’t hurt before I went so I was able to drive myself. I knew my beloved wife was living in complete fear that I was going to have to have surgery. Surgery would, of course, leave her caring for me and our kid. Being the sole bread winner her trepidation was understandable. In any event I called her from my cell phone and broke the news. “Total knee replacement” said I “and my hip is showing a lot of degeneration as well. The plan is to replace knee followed by three months of therapy then replace the hip.” She said “You’re joking.” Of course I was but this was no time to let that information out. “No, sorry honey. It’s six months of intensive work, nothing I can do.” I also knew she had a pretty busy schedule this week. I added “The only slot they had open was tommorrow at six AM, I took it.” Again she asked if I was joking. I acted offended, why joke about such an important matter? She’s still worried. I suppose I’ll tell her in the morning. Sure I’ll be in huge trouble but it’s worth it. Besides we ate ribs tonight since I “won’t be able to cook for awhile”
The subterfuge netted me a couple of hours working on my desk. I was building a drawer. It came out perfect. The joinery was excellent (just rabbeting not the high class dovetailing) but it was a half inch too small for the enclosure. I suppose I’ll buy bottom drawer slides tommorow to rectify the error. I’d ask Vern about the deal except I’m a little too embarassed. Besides all he could really say is: You’re an idiot. And that’s something I already know.
Here’s some pics:
Note to mymacers: at least one person likes the subtitles, use them love them, call them the “short description.” Hey, they requested a mention.
Tridiot rating: 500cc’s of yellowish fluid.
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