It didn’t seem all that late, but it must have been. Everyone else was asleep upstairs, and the only thing on was the refrigerator, the furnace, the clocks, and my computer. And myself, of course. I am not always on, but that night I was.
I remember when I got up and turned off the TV. Infomercials had started. Remember when the clock would chime a certain hour, and the local television station would play the National Anthem, with a picture of an American flag slowly blowing in the breeze, then fade out, only to be replaced by static? Had I heard that, it would have been my signal to go to bed. Had I left the TV on in the first place, which I had not.
The net can be addictive if you let it. Click – learn something new – Click – look at this persons artwork – Click – read this blog, and the three before it, bookmark for a later time – Click – start downloading the 200MB 2004 Unreal Tournament Demo – Click – read about the off-season goings-on with my favorite sports team – Click – and it is after 1AM!
But all that stopped a long time ago. Having an infant in the house will do that. Besides, at some point in my life, I became a morning person. Alarm clock usually goes off ten seconds after I have woken up, ready with my Olympic-time snooze whack. BZZZ-WHAM! Moresleepmoresleepmoresleep… BZZZZZZ-POW! Damn it all, gotta get up and take the kid to school! Please, just a few more minutes, I am SO comfortable… (Why is it that it takes SO long to find a good comfy spot when you first lay down, but when you wake up in the most bizarre position, it is perfect?) BZZZZZ- click. The alarm is off. And, you know, you HAVE to get up out of bed then. You turned the alarm off. You can’t reset it for ten minutes later. When you turn it off, you are committed to getting up.
Now I am a morning person. I, for some strange and demented reason, take great pride in beating the alarm clock awake. I am convinced that the automotive industry should talk to the alarm clock makers of the world on how to build a crash proof automobile. I mean, I have hit my poor little alarm clock with enough force to dent a Dodge RAM. But the little thing keeps on working, though I am sure it has a different buzzing sound now than when I first purchased it. When new, it was loud and arrogant. “WAKE UP! GET UP! GET YOUR LAZY BUTT OUTTA THAT BED, MISTER!” No longer. Now, it is more of an “Psst! Hey, Tim? You up? Hey, Tim! Wake up, dude! You awake? Tim? You up?” Maybe whacking it so many times over the last few years have taught it some manners, I dunno. But anything that can survive my early morning, uncoordinated assaults is one tough item.
Back to my rare late night Internet roaming. And that night, these are the things I started jotting down for a future article or blog posts…
Eventually, you get to the point where you simply cannot find anything to hold your interest. How is it that almost everything in recorded history has something about it on the Internet, but I cannot find anything worth reading? Who do I know if what I am reading is not simply the ramblings of some meathead who makes pipe bombs in his spare time? Who are all these people writing all this stuff? And more importantly, how different am I from all these other people?
Does race matter online? I mean, if you are a die-hard racist, but you are also a collector of, say, 1950’s memorabilia, how would you feel if the very best source on the Internet was written by a black guy in Harlem? Does that discredit his website in your mind? And really, unless the website owner publicly stated he was black, or had his picture online, how would you even know? And if that were the case, how could you, as a firm believer of white-power and a proud racist, take the chance on looking at anything on the Internet for fear that you may find something you like written by a Jewish guy, or a black guy, or a… you get my meaning. Therefore, I think racists should be true to their beliefs and never, ever browse the Internet.
Why do we constantly suffer through lame movies by the same actors? I don’t remember the last time I went to a movie because so-and-so was in it. Why do we readily accept the same actor in a lot of different roles? Why don’t we insist on having new actors get the big roles more often? Tom Cruise is a fighter pilot! No, he is a racecar driver! No, wait, he is from Ireland and wants land! Stop, back up, he is now a Civil War hero in China! How much money does he need to make, anyway? Let’s get some new actors around here. I like Tom Hanks just fine, but come on, time for new people already… And why does Freddy Prince JR. even get to be a movie star? Everyone agrees he stinks. But he keeps getting work!
Why is no one calling for impeachment of this President for starting an unjustified war, but the last one actually got impeached for lying about having sex with a woman? Hello?!?
I am not gay. I cannot begin to understand the nature of gay people; it is too foreign to me. I have two gay uncles and one gay aunt (Who has never, and will never, admit it to anyone, ever, but everyone knows, but everyone avoids the topic, but we all know, and she knows we all know.) but I still don’t really “get it” at all. But who cares? It is not for me to get it, right? So I live my life as I see fit. So why is it that, not understanding it at all personally, am I not against gay marriage? I mean, if two gay people want to get married, who the hell is anyone else to say they can’t, or shouldn’t? How is it that no one is calling President Bush’s propose constitutional amendment what it really would be, formalized bigotry against gays.
The sanctity of marriage? Oh, yeah, we gotta protect that, eh? Because if we didn’t, you know, people would divorce all the time and kids would grow up in, like, a one parent home. We can’t have that, so we have to protect the sanctity of marriage. I mean, come on, if gay people are allowed to marry, anarchy would reign and all that, right? Because married straight people have done SUCH a good job of keeping the sanctity of marriage up to this point, right? No one cheats, or divorces, or any of that already, right?
It is not late, but it is time to end this. More later if you wish…
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