The Phone Solicitor

The owner of the company I work for has a name that can be either male or female. For the purposes of this story I’ll call him Lee.

Oftentimes when phone solicitors call and ask for Lee, they assume they are asking for a female. Many of these people will not speak to anyone but the person for whom they are calling. So when I say, “I’m sorry, but Lee is not in at the moment,” (which is usually the case) and inquire if I might help them, as I am Lee’s personal assistant, I usually get the response “I’ll call back.” Which they do, incessantly.

I have an agreement with Lee that when I recognize it is a phone solicitor who is calling back after the first attempt, I simply say when they call, “This is Lee.” It’s a nice, neat solution, and since I’m much more blunt that Lee I can usually have a few kicks and giggles with them along the way. Breaks up the afternoon, doncha know?

Yesterday however, Lee happened to be sitting in my office when a solicitor called. I put the person on hold and asked Lee if he’d like to speak with her. “What does she want?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I replied.

I let her cool her heels on hold for a minute or two, (one of my favorite tactics) then I picked up the phone again and asked, “What do you want?”

“Well, aren’t you rude?” she replied. “I hope you don’t speak to everyone the way you are speaking to me.”

OK, gloves on. Here’s a woman who, granted, is doing her job of selling god knows what over the phone, but she’s BERATING me. I guess she never took a Dale Carnegie course.

“I’m SO sorry,” I said, in my most insincere voice. “I don’t mean to be rude. Lee asked what you want, so I’m conveying the message. Lee won’t take your call unless you state your business.”

“I am calling to offer her a unique investment opportunity,” she replied.

“He’s not interested,” I immediately said.

“Well, don’t you have some nerve! I’m glad I don’t talk to people like you everyday.” Then she slammed down the phone.

The thing is, I could have saved her time if she’d just told me what was going on to begin with. Our company has a policy to never, ever, ever, for any reason whatsoever, purchase anything that is pitched over the telephone. We take the attitude that our time is valuable and if it is that great a product we’ll either find it ourselves or read about it in a mailing.

I’m still kinda amused by the whole thing. I wonder what her sales success rate is? I can imagine some receptionist saying, “Hey boss, some lady here on the phone is insulting me for protecting your valuable time. You want to talk to her to see what she’s trying to sell?”

Time to fire up the Keronix for today’s CKS/BL Tridiot Rating. (churn, churn, churn). Ahhh, here it is. 89.75 Must be something (pound, kick, slam) wrong with this thing. Wait, it’s churning out another result! 106.35 That seems more reasonable.