The Nadir of Nader

I don’t know what my fascination is with the unrest in Haiti as of late, but I ain’t gonna let it bog down all avenues of rational sensibility.Therefore I need to evolve an unquestionable IRrational unsensibility. This will alleviate the onset of any pesky social anxiety disorders.

Anyone remember The Serpent and The Rainbow. It was both a book and a movie starring, I think, Bill Pullman. Anyhow, that movie was about Voodoo in Haiti, and more specifically about groovilicious old-fashioned Zombies.

Let’s just say it;s not a good movie for eight year olds with sneak-into-the-living-room-during-the-wee-hours-of-the-morning-tendencies and clandestine desires to watch HBO. Not that I EVER acted that damn covertly or anything.

This movie solves the initial problem though, and rectifies the Nader scenario. It must be that Ralph Nader is now a zombie; controlled by “outside” sources using a psycho-toxinous poison made chiefly from rendered chunks of powdered blowfish. This toxin allows his handlers to maintain Ralph in an emotionless state bereft of memory and rationality.

Now the “unknown” handlers have lit off the insurrection in Haiti. Aristide must have known the secret dealings and was about to blather to the National Enquirer for exclusive rights to all Bat Boy paraphernalia. This seems so clear now – thanks Mr. Pullman? & company!

The scene has likely played out like so:
A blurred figure is seen racing through the streets of Port-au-Prince

Cache of neurotoxin in case, he bolts for the nearest heliport

Unable to remember his whereabouts, figure commandeers vehicle for purported sinister purposes

Figure eludes further observation vanishes into soggy rainforest

In the end the unknown figure is reportedly seeking candidacy under United States election guidlines – Zombie Nation prepare…