The Maltese Cube (Chapter 2)

In Chapter 1, we are introduced to our hero (such as he is), “Mac N. Tosh”. He’s a private detective taking on mostly small cases in the sleazy part of town, with his faithful secretary Umax Seeseries, and investigative partner Sherlock.

Mac has been hired by the CEO of a PC maker named M. Bell to investigate why so many people are loyal to a rival computer maker called Apple. He has also been asked to keep an eye out for a little item called the “Maltese Cube”. Sherlock warned Mac that looking for the Maltese Cube could be dangerous.

Chapter 2
Unexpected Guests

I knew it would be awhile until I heard from Sherlock. His car, a Modem V90, wouldn’t go over 56 mph (though the Feds ticketed him whenever he went past 53 mph)(1) and he had many sites to visit. At some point I fell asleep and was rudely awakened by loud voices in my lobby. The door banged open and Umax burst in trying in vain to keep two men outside.

‘I’m sorry sir!’ she sobbed ‘They just wouldn’t stay out!’

The two men barely looked in Umax’s direction as they strode through the door. They were an odd pair to look at. One was short and slim, the other slightly taller and heavier set. Their clothes were of the finest tailoring, but obviously had seen better days. Rumpled, out of date, and not quite fitting correctly. The shorter one stood near the door as if he was sure he would need a quick exit. The heavier one sat down and looked at me appraisingly. I returned his glance with indifference and scorn.

He waved his hand in Umax’s general direction and said ‘That will be all dear. We’ll call if we need you.’ Umax glanced at me for instructions. ‘Don’t look at him! Worry about me instead. I know all about your family history and won’t hesitate to use it to your disadvantage!’ he snapped angrily. She ran from the room sobbing.

‘Now that you’ve managed to traumatize my secretary, why don’t you introduce yourself before I toss you out on your ear.’ I said venomously. One eyebrow shot up as he noted my tone and found it wanting.

After a moment, he said ‘Of course dear boy, of course. My associate and I did not mean to be rude. We have urgent business you and I, and I just didn’t want to be interrupted.’ He paused and spared a quick look at his partner who couldn’t wipe the silly grin from his face. After a nod, laughing boy quietly closed the door. ‘My name is Pindler, S Pindler.’ He said, pausing to see if I recognized the name. When I said nothing, he pointed toward his amused associate. ‘His name is J. L. Gassly(2)‘

When I glanced at Gassly he hissed like a snake and said in a foreign accent, ‘Jerry Lewis is a comic genius!(3)‘
Pindler winced and as if this covered a multitude of sins said ‘He’s French.’ ‘I understand a Mr. M. Bell has been by to see you.’ he began ‘Would you care to tell me what he asked of you?’

‘What business is it of yours?’ I shot back ‘My clients expect some privacy about their personal affairs from me.’

Pindler leaned back in his chair and crossed his hands on his chest. ‘My good sir, I know more about this business than you do at this point. Shall we compare notes?’ he said with a grin that never made it to his eyes. ‘Tell you what. Let’s make a game of it. I’ll ask you a question and then you can ask me a question. How’s that?’

‘Fine.’ I said ‘I’ll go first’

‘Oh no, no Mr. Tosh, that will never do.’ he said ‘Why don’t we flip a coin?’ Pindler dug into his pocket and pulled out a quarter. He spun it into the air. The coin hung momentarily as if reluctant to return to his hand. Pindler called out, ‘Heads.’ caught the coin, turned it over on his wrist and without ever looking at it said ‘I win.’

Notes for Chapter 2

(1) This refers to modem speeds. A 56K modem is not actually able to operate above 53K due to federal regulations.

(2) S. Pindler & J. L. Gassly ‘“ Not so cleverly disguised aliases for Michael Splindler (former Apple CEO) and Jean Louis Gasslee (Another former Apple bigwig and former President of the now defunct Be Inc., a one time hopeful in the ‘What will replace the Mac OS sweepstakes’). S. Pindler is the main bad guy for the story, while Gassly is there mostly for comic relief. Is Gasslee French? I don’t have a clue, but the name sounds French and I needed some comedy to round out the story.

(3) Jerry Lewis ‘“ While a very funny man in his own right, the French (as rumor has it) think of him as a comic genius. Not being French, I can’t say one way or another what the typical Frenchman thinks of him, but if I have to watch ‘The Family Jewels’ ONE MORE TIME’¦’¦’¦’¦.!