Well folks, it’s over for another year. The Gifts have all been opened, (or returned, or set aside for ‘re-gifting’ purposes next year) The parties are all over for now, and those who had to make bail after the new year’s eve festivities have done so. Our New England weather has been a little strange so far this winter. It’s been kick-ass cold one week, warmer than normal the next. Already, we have had a few days here in Boston when the wind actually hurt when it hit you. This is something that generally does not happen until the second half of January, on into February. The kiddies have been in school for a few months, and anyone who is a parent seems stressed to the point of no return. Uh, at what point did kids become so interested in Soccer? I seem to have missed that memo. And do all kids now have to take music lessons of some sort? These are the things I hear parents talk about.
College kids have headed out on semester break, which means that the accumulations of beer cans and liquor bottles in the local trash barrels will decline for a few weeks. Ahh, the future of America,,, Looks real bright, doesn’t it?
So, what’s it all mean? Beats me, I just figured that there is no better way for me to begin a new year than to launch into another of my old geezer rants. Ready?
You are officially a Geezer, if you have ever spoken or heard any of the sentences below:
‘Here are your Green Stamps, and thank you for shopping at A & P’.
‘I’ll have the 25¢ box of popcorn’.
‘Three dollars regular, and could you check the oil?’
‘We’re going to the Drive-in tonight.’
‘You can’t go outside. We’re having company’.
‘Don’t forget to tip the paper boy.’
‘I’ll give you a dime, so you can call me from the drug store when the movie gets out.’
‘I’ll expect you home by eleven.’
‘I’ll pick one up at the five and dime.’
‘Don’t forget to ask the bus driver for a transfer.’
‘Don’t forget kids, supper at five o’clock sharp. Meat-loaf tonight.’
‘Sure, I can change a buck for you.’ (bus drivers and trolley motor men)
‘Daddy got me my own Princess Phone!’ (teenaged female, excited)
‘I’ll have the 10¢ sno-cone’.
You are officially a Geezer if you have ever:
-Taken a course called ‘personal typing’.
-Earned a few bucks per week working as a paper boy, and actually been proud of it.
-Used something called a slide rule.
-Worn shoes known as Hush Puppies, Thom McCanns, P.F. Flyers, or Keds.
-Had ‘new shoes for school’ fitted in a shoe store with a shoe-fitting fluoroscope. (actually giving you a nice dose of x-rays, but as long as you didn’t get crooked feet.’¦)
-Studied something called Geography.
-Paid 50¢ (or less) to see a movie on a Saturday afternoon.
-Paid 50¢ (or less) to see a movie called ‘Hold On’, or ‘Flipper’. (Yes, it was a movie before it was a TV show. ‘Hold On’ starred the British pop group, Herman’s Hermits)
-Know what this ‘¢’ is.
-Paid 10¢ in a neighborhood store for a bottle of soda, opened it with the indestructible bottle opener on the side of the open-top vending machine, then drank it while standing in the store, talking with friends who had just done the same thing. (12¢ if you took it out of the store. The 2¢ was the deposit on the bottle)
-Drank a beverage called ‘Tower Root Beer’. (Northeast folks only)
-Felt that the coolest kid in the neighborhood was the kid with the Schwinn Lemon Peeler.
-Begged your parents for a Schwinn Lemon Peeler.
-Felt like you were in heaven, after the coolest kid in the neighborhood let you take a ride on his Schwinn Lemon Peeler.
-Owned a toy that was manufactured in the U.S. by Marx, Kenner, or Pressman. Heh, anyone remember a toy from Marx called ‘Great Garloo’? It was a green skinned, ugly looking sea god of sorts, with big ears, fangs, and a pitchfork. Great Garloo moved about on wheels, waved his arms in an up-and-down motion, and all the while he was doing this, he made a ferocious sound. Offhand, I cannot recall just how many D-cell batteries Great Garloo required. I never had one, but several friends did. Let’s just say Ever-Ready executives were very happy with this product. It would be hard to imagine such a toy being marketed today. I’m sure some parent somewhere would sue, saying that it ‘traumatized my child!’. Others would say that the green skin, big ears, and pitchfork smacks of devil worship.
-Howled with laughter with your teenaged male friends at a drive-in movie entitled ‘Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry’. (This is what 70’s drive-in movies were all about! Put it in your Netflix que)
-Done likewise at another drive-in movie called ‘Eat My Dust’, which starred a very young red-headed actor named Ron Howard. ( I suspect he’d like that one to be forgotten.)
-Gotten stopped by police with a carload of your teenaged male friends, after seeing a drive-in movie called ‘Gone in Sixty Seconds’. You or your friend were actually trying to drive like the stunt drivers in that movie. Bad idea. (to this day, my parents still don’t know about that one.)
-You keep hearing such names as ‘Colin Farrell’, ‘Ryan Seacrest’, and ‘Hillary Duff’, and you realize that you have no clue as to who these people are.
-You had planned on staying up past midnight on New Year’s eve ‘to watch the ball drop’, then decided ‘to heck with it’, and gone to bed at 10:30 PM.
A joyous New Year, and best of life to all!
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