There are not enough daylight hours yet. (Oh, I keep getting interrupted by spam. Like, who writes to me anymore? Yet the hope is still there.)
Like I mentioned befoe, this guy at work built me a garden frame. I made him a lasagne. I make a mean lasagne. I paid him for the lumber but he didn’t pay me for the lasagne ingredients. Such is life, I have no regrets. I am grateful for the garden frame. He liked the lasagne, or so he said.
What work this garden is! I bought the dirt this weekend. After I wheelbarrowed the dirt from the back of my truck to the location of the garden frame, then emptied the dirt into the garden frame, my back was suffering. But I soldiered on. (Email pause. Crap. Spam. Command delete.)
Today at work I decided that topsoil wasn’t enough, so I stopped at the local Ace Hardware to pick up some vermiculite. Well, they didn’t have any. So I bought pearlite. I figure it’s the same difference. I also bought seeds.
I’ve never been a successful gardener. In fact, I haven’t gardened for the past three years. (Searching my email archives for the last time I gardened. And I found this email from May 21, 2001.)
Listen…I think I have figgered out a way to save my tomato plants.
Well, I was telling Ian today on AIM about how distraught I was about the entire thing and he said, “Well, just go and get some bug poison” which is the logical solution, but I figure if I’m going to go to all the trouble to raise a garden, I may as well do it without poison..I mean, hell, I can get poisoned vegetables at the market, right? and he said, “Well, bethlogic.”
But all the sudden tonight while I was sitting here, contemplating the goddam bugs and how they were subverting my efforts I went back into time, and remembered the time I worked in the greenhouse in Spokane, where they ENCOURAGED us to smoke as we were doing our transplants and it hit me…tobacco!
So I gathered up all my cigar butts and put them in a gallon cranberry juice container I had saved for some reason (thinking at the time I’d have a reason to save this plastic gallon container) with just a little bit of water to soften them up, and tomorrow morning I’m gonna spray those bastard bugs with diluted tobacco spray…heh heh heh…
Well, hell, if it can kill hearts and lungs, surely it can send a few bugs to hell and damnation. I’m not giving up! I’m fighting the good fight! We shall have tomaccos…uh…well, whatever. Hopefully the tomatoes won’t be addictive.
I know there are more important things in the world. But who cares? I’m being thwarted by bugs. First things first, right?
Then again, searching my email archives, I found THIS email, from May 24, 2001. (spam break, in hopes! nah…goddam spam. Worse than bugs.)
I know you have been waiting with bated breath, for information on Beth’s desert bug war experiment of 2001.
Yesterday, I was a bit smug, thinking that I had driven the bugs off with my amazing cigar butt water w/ivory soap concoction, as last evening there wasn’t a bug to be seen. This morning I was going to go out to check the garden but I got a call from work and Harold, the guy who keeps fixing our printer, and keeps fixing our printer, and keeps fixing our printer, was there early with the new fuser (third fuser in in two weeks, they should just buy us out of that service contract and give us a new printer, would be cheaper for them) so I rushed out without watering, thinking I could do it this evening.
Well, I’m very disheartened. I went out tonight and there were millions of bugs! Millions of little emm effen bugs, just sitting around little cocktail tables, rolling up tomato leaves, smoking, a little bug jazz band in the corner of the garden…the wilder bugs were hanging out over getting high around the chamomile, and couple of tough guy bugs flexing their little bug muscles down by the onions. I have never in my life seen such a thing.
Now i’m thinking fire, you know? hahaha…burn the weeds around the garden…muhahahahahaha…yes, fire. Beautiful fire. Cleansing fire. I must HAVE my tomatos…yes, my lovely tomatos…
Well, here it is now 2004, And I’m thinking of gardening again? Eat well. Live the good life. (Spam! Again! Emm Effen gleebel spanking spam email. Won’t someone please write to me?)
Stay tuned.
love
b
CKS tridiot rating: 95.923481
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