Rumor Mongering..with evidence

So no QuickTime broadcast of the keynote this year eh? Oh, yeah I’ve heard the speculation. Everything from delaying the damage until after the market closes to a massive distaste for the hardcore Apple fans (though if you’re really hardcore you’ll be at the Moscone Center).

All the speculation about why the keynote won’t be broadcast are bunk. The real reason there will be no broadcast is because of the length of the thing and the resultant screams of agony. Sure it is cheap to bounce stuff off a satellite but we’re looking at a keynote of epic proportions. At least we are if the rumors are true. Let’s see what we’ve got: iHome, iPhone, iPhone iHome ET special edition, YugoMac, 5 GB iPod mini, JamPack4, iWork, iLife ’05, PowerBook G5, $249 crapMac, Apple branded iPod speakers…..

The list is just too long to continue typing. Point being that the keynote will be incredibly long, stretching into days if not weeks. After all Steve can’t just get up there and march the products through parade ground style. No way, this is the guy spent thirty minutes talking about that stupid iPod ski jacket. Every single product will introduced, explained and dissected. The process could take years.

I’d say somewhere around Apple branded iPod speaker introductions bladders will start bursting ala Tycho Brahe (well he didn’t really die of a burst bladder, but it makes for a good story). People will clutch their lower abdomen and fall to floor, writhing in pain. Not the best thing to put out for public consumption without a little audio editing post keynote.

I worry for the MyMac folks who will be attending the keynote: Arch Duke Roger Born, Nemo, David Casseres and David Weeks how many of these fine folks will be incapacitated by S. Jobs overly effusive verbiage?

Or the rumors could be way wrong and everyone will be just fine. My advice: either keep your expectations reasonable of bring a mop to MacWorld.

Link of ineffable coolness:
Tease Titus

Apple Rumor Cycle link:
How rumors work