Last week I finally got around to upgrading to Microsoft Office v.X. I like it, I liked Microsoft Office 98 as well but v.X runs in X. I’m sure there’s some other differences, some added bells and whistles but I was only after X compatibility. This brings up an interesting conundrum: For a mere 90 bucks I can upgrade to the latest and greatest version Office 2004. Is the next version of Office going to be 90 bucks better than the current version of Office? I decided to do some investigation.
Of all the features Microsoft seems to be touting one stands out’¦ as completely useless. Apparently the ’04 version is going to offer audio recording and the ability to take handwritten notes, you know, in case you were in a meeting and someone said something important. I don’t see the use of this for any of the current Mac models though perhaps some intrepid soul will figure out a way to make these features incredibly useful on an iBook.
We are left asking the question of: Why? Why put these features into the next version of Office if they won’t really be used and hence move boxes of Office ’04? I can think of two possible reasons. It could be that Microsoft is a big fan of tablet computing. Bill Gates has given several tablet pc demos and pimped the whole concept harder than Comedy Central pushes Crank Yankers. So it could be a not so subtle push by Microsoft to force Apple into releasing a tablet computer. I suppose the reasoning would go like this: ‘If we put it into the program people will demand to have a machine that will be able to use it. This will force Steve Jobs to demand that his acolytes come up with a tablet Mac.’ Of course there are a few holes in this line of thought. First: If it was really that big a deal I suppose Bill could call the turtle necked wonder and announce he’s killing Mac Office unless he has a Mac tablet on his desk by noon. The other objection is how would having a tablet Mac option benefit Microsoft in any way? Tablet computers are already niche products and I doubt a niche of tablet Macs are going to add to Microsoft’s bottom line.
The other possibility is that Microsoft knows something we don’t (well that’s obviously true, they know how to make a hideously high profit margin). The Mac Business Unit may know that Apple has a tablet Mac just waiting to roll off the production lines. This explains the inclusion of the seemingly useless features and would provide a major incentive for people to upgrade to Office ’04. On the other hand Steve Jobs has said: No tablet, No PDA. With good reason, tablet PC’s pretty much suck. You can type much faster than you can write and anyone who uses a laptop will tell you a mouse is much nicer than a track pad.
So why is Microsoft including the aforementioned features of uselessness? Probably because they can. Microsoft is the reigning champion of bloat ware, over featured programs with gimmicks very few people use. Why not add a little extra bloat, heck they already had it mocked up for XP so it was probably a fairly simple matter to port it to OS X. Or I could be wrong, Apple may have some Ives designed so-killer-you-gotta-have-two device up their sleeves that fits perfectly with Office ’04. I’ll believe it when I see it, until then I’m going with the bloat ware call, and nope, I’m not upgrading.
Bit of personal oddness: A while ago John Farr wrote an interesting piece about TV. I don’t really remember what the point was (besides tv sucks) but in the column he likened The Sopranos to licking the bathroom floor in the local tavern. For some reason this stuck with me and all week long I’ve been adapting that line. Someone asks me how that quarter pounder tasted and I say “Like the bathroom floor at your neighborhood bar.” It’s gotten so bad my wife inquired when everything stopped tasting like chicken.
Speaking of stuff tasting like the bathroom floor: today I learned that the creators of South Park have started a new internet cartoon. I was interested so I hunted it down. I was hoping for something as original and edgy as the Jesus fights Santa video. I was disappointed, it was an x-rated bit of shinola that I didn’t find humorous at all. I do miss That’s My Bush so the guys have talent but this was just bad. And I’m not linking to it, you want to see that stuff find it yourself.
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