New Year’s Resolutions Made Easy!

Well, tonights the night. Time for those New Year’s Resolutions. Most Americans will make one about losing weight. The annual barrage of commercials for gyms,,er,,”Fitness Centers” has begun. Most of these feature a young woman in an evening gown, pulling her chubby boyfriend away from that plateful of hot wings he’s finishing off and onto a dance floor, where they both magically turn into model material.
But of course. Then the voice over starts in with how YOU CAN LIVE THIS WAY TOO!

Uh, Ladies, sooner or later, you must realize the awful truth: Men hate dancing.

As for me, I make resolutions which are easy to keep. Make that Real Easy. Once again, I hereby resolve that I will not spend a single passionate weekend with Tyra Banks! Yup, not even a single night.

I resolve not to shop at Walmart. If there’s something I want, and only Walmart has it, I don’t buy it at all. Net Savings: 100 per cent.

I will not buy an Aston Martin this year.

I resolve not to join the Swiss Navy.

I won’t be opening a special numbered Swiss Bank account either. (Tempting though, just for the grin factor)

I resolve that I will eat pizza this year.

And lastly, I resolve to eat hot wings this year.

Have a happy and safe New year!