George Burns, Bob Hope, Jack Benny, Milton Berle, Red Skelton, Steve Allen, and a greatly respected host of other comic greats, welcomed Rodney Dangerfield into their club today with a solid round of applause.
Rodney was heard to say, “Boy. I thought you had to die to get into a club like this!”
As he got up onto the stage, he remarked, “I just flew in from L.A. Boy, are my wings tired.”
As he craned his neck back and forth, he reached to loosen his red tie, but it wasn’t there. He apologized to his audience for not wearing it. “Guess my wife has it. Probably out pawning it someplace. Jokes on her. I got another one in the Smithsonian.”
“My wife’s a water sign. I’m an earth sign. Together we make mud.”
“I tell ya, I get no respect at all. I bought a cemetary plot. The guy says, ‘There goes the neighborhood.'”
“Seriously folks. I’m very happy to be adding my one-liners to your repertoire. But I see on the schedule you put me behind Geogie Jessel. I tell ya, I can’t get no respect!”
George Burns and Bob Hope then joined Rodney on stage. George gave him a cigar, and Bob sang “Thanks for the Memories.”
(fade scene. close curtain)
You have our respect, Rodney, both you and your family.
Ours is the loss down here.
Rodney Dangerfield was the first celebrity to own his own website. It was created for him in 1995 on a Macintosh.
(“I bought an Apple computer. It had a worm in it. I get no respect.”)
All his jokes and movies are on his site. You can even buy a red tie.
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