Fatherly Pride?

When you’re a stay at home parent you get certain duties thrust upon you. Duties like cooking (don’t mind), cleaning (not very good at it) and grocery shopping (sucks). The reason I hate grocery shopping is that I’m pretty introverted. Well actually I’m painfully shy. Let me offer two examples: As a general rule I never start an iChat and Todd introduced himself to me. Let me put that last one into perspective: Todd is incredibly strange. I don’t mean that in a bad way, he’s a true individual but that guy would rather crawl naked through razor wire than strike up a conversation with someone he doesn’t know. Yet he introduced himself to me. Of course is was a forced deal, everyone had to find lab partners so one of us was going to have to break.

What does that have to do with grocery shopping and the loathing I feel for the daily chore? Well usually nothing because most folks can make it through a store without really interacting but when I go grocery shopping I have to take the kid and the kid is, to say the least, outgoing. He waves, yells “Hi”, jabbers at every passerby and might possibly plant a kiss on a complete stranger given half a chance. If was a widower I’d love it, but I’m not. He is good at getting people’s attention (ask Todd) and it is a fairly common occurrence for someone to say: “He’s so cute, you must be proud.”

So now I’m in a bad situation. I have to talk to a stranger and I have to show some sort of fatherly pride. The thing is I’m not proud at all. So he’s cute, why would I be proud of that? It’s a trick of genetics not a trait that results from any sort of work on my part. Of course if you say that to someone it’s liable to lead to a longer conversation and that would even be worse. So I say “Indeed” and keep the grocery cart rolling. To make the whole thing more general I try to avoid any feeling of pride about my child. I mean he is what he is, my responsibility is to make him a good person not turn him into a quarterback or something. Basically he’s a kid not an accomplishment.

That lengthy disclaimer out of the way let me relate the one time when I felt a massive amount of fatherly pride. Nathaniel had learned the fake sneeze. He’d go “ahh ahh choo” and everyone would laugh even though, honestly, it was pretty weak. I mean there was no steady build and the whole thing was kind of monotone. He was basically getting sympathy laughter. Then he caught a cold and spent a few days actually sneezing and spreading snot over the walls. A few days after he recovered he walks into the living room and began the whole stale sneeze gag. The fairly monotone “Ahh, Ahh” went as usual but when the “Choo” part came he spewed apple juice everywhere. IT KILLED. The kid had figured out that a more realistic fake sneeze would be infinitely funnier and he was right, I laughed so hard my cheeks hurt from smiling. He kept the joke going and I kept laughing (my Wife was amused only once), in fact it still kills. The bad thing is that most of the house is covered in a fine mist of apple juice/milk/water the good part is it still kills. I mean it took my high school buddy, a great joker, sixteen years to figure that one out.

He also says “Trogdor” all the freaking time thanks to the previously mentioned Todd.

Wow that’s a lot to wade through just to get to the links isn’t it? You are probably thinking: “Just how much of my time is this addle brained idiot going to waste before getting to the links?” Well just a little more, see I’ve got a story about this one time when I was really drunk and’¦I kid, I kid.

Time for

Scheeler’s scrutinized spontaneous schedule of spastic soirees
(Why Tad? Why not?)

A great, and by great I mean super awesome cool Mac related article:
Delusional Mac users Need Microsoft

Very disturbing (via Bruce Black):
That’s..Just..WRONG!!!!

Exceptionally disturbing:
A day in the life of Miss McDonald

The ad everyone wanted Apple to make’¦but this one shills for Linux
Novell Public Service Announcement

A Green Day flash video. Well the video pretty much bites but I like Green Day:
Basket Case

Software Pirate Disappointed
Gag article done onion style

Excellent Puzzles

Game pick:
Maus Force Attack

Today’s Hello Kitty Message:

HELLO KITTY SAY SEIBOLD GIGGLES MAKE ME WRAP SELF IN NEON PINK CLINGFILM
Yep that is the lip balm someone sent me. I feel overwhelmed.

Free Song:
ROC6R
SEWMV
The usual drill applies, if you bag the song (lucky you) please leave a note. Personally I’d like to know what you bagged but if you’re lazy cut and paste the following: LESS TALK MORE ROCK, I GOT THE SONG!

Writing, Links and everything else brought to you by:

Sure you may not use iMovie, you may know all about iMovie but until you have this book your life is an empty husk. Become fulfilled. Well it doesn’t really contain any life changing info but the book is okay. You’ll like it, tastes like chicken.