Chris writes an eBook?

Whoa, I’ve just completed a ton of projects. So, if you missed my near daily ramblings, I hope to be back more or less full time. Well, probably a little less frequent than before because I plan to write more articles and those will undoubtedly come at the expense of blog postings. No real loss there.

Of course the natural question is: What the hell have I been doing that was so time consuming I couldn’t even pop a blog up with a few links? Well I floored the basement. Found some laminate flooring going for $0.89 a square foot and went flooring nuts. I had estimated the area at 1000 sq ft. Turns out I was precisely 1 box (20 square feet) short. Unfortunately the flooring was sold out. The wife found an installer with some left over and he charged a smooth 100 bucks a box. That, if you’re averse to math, is 5 bucks a square foot. Ah well, law of supply and demand I suppose.

I was also heavily involved in the MacMod project. By heavily involved I mean I did the voiceover. Your average everyday person could’ve got that done in a night but for a dolt like me it was several weeks of repeated takes. At this point I’d generally link to the iAtariMac project but, for now, the system is down.

Now I share some of the blame for the slashdotting, I did submit a link to the project. So did, apparently, a bunch of other folks. I any event MacMod shows up on /. And the server goes:
Wawawaaaaa. At least that is my guess. Then a bunch of /.ers show up and moan about not having a bittorrent link up and running. Hey, guess what, not everyone is as knowledgeable as you. I know it seems simplistic and simple to Slashdot super geeks and something well worth ranting over but some guys spent time learning how to undo a bra with one hand instead of setting up bittorrent links. Maybe instead of whining you could offer to help (which a few folks did, hey those people are all right). And OGG VORBIS SUCKS! You call it lossless, you’re a freaking liar. I was at a concert recently and later I heard an OGG VORBIS replay of the thing. It sounded completely different. I’ve got to say: The only legitimate way to hear music is live. You record something and you’re going to lose WAYYYY too much quality. Which is why when I sit down at night for a little music I always hire the band. As you might imagine it has been quite some time since I’ve listened to the Beatles. On the other hand Foghat is permanently available.

The thing that really ate up the time was iMovie on the Cheap. Yep, I wrote an ebook. Basically I thought there were a ton of wasted pages in most iMovie books: How to hire an actor, Where to rent props, Storyboarding, Professional screenplay reviewers, Stephen Spielberg’s 900 number etc. I found this annoying, I mean what person using iMovie has the funds to hire a professional actor? Especially when Pauly Shore will do it gratis? In short I thought that there should be a book available to the folks who want to make movies without being prodded to hire actors and buy $40,000 worth of equipment. iMovie on the Cheap is that book. Plus, at a mere five bucks, it is well within any moviemakers budget. If you only buy one iMovie book buy iMovie on the Cheap. Why? It’s the only one that says fewer transitions are better but more importantly it is the only one MyMac and me make any dough on. In fact buy several copies, give copies to friends, coworkers, loved ones and random passers by. Remember nothing says “I love you” quite like a copy of iMovie on the Cheap. It’s perfect for Valentines Day, St. Patrick’s Day, or any other event you can think of. In fact it’s a completely nifty gift. In fact, I think it would a really great idea if you bought one for every kid in your school system. What you’re not sold yet??? How is that possible?? Ah well, time to pull out the big guns. The book features a cover by Todd Freakin Long. Honestly, the cover is worth ten bucks on its own. Todd is an incredibly talented artist.

Well that’s more plugging than most hair replacement outfits do in a year. The writing savvy of you out there might be wondering why someone who can pound out a thousand words a night needs four freaking months to write a book. The answer is: I’m a stone cold idiot. I started on the book knowing it needed to clock in at about 100 pages. About a month later I had twenty pages done. Twenty freaking pages. I knew there was no way I was going to get a hundred pages out the book with the style I was using so I started to write thusly:

“When committing a scenic occurrence to videographic archival techniques it is of the utmost import to fully consider all the sources of photonic emissions. A middling (on a universal scale) fusion reaction is often sufficient for videoography in areas unobstructed by material capable of partially or fully shielding the source from the intended point of videography. If filming in locations where such obstacles are unavoidable one should consider alternative forms of illumination. Large arrays of options are available. Energy sources tend to favor potential differences inherent in fully charged electronic circuits. The electrons will follow the circuitous path…..”

Which basically says: If you’re filming outside in the daylight you’re okay, if you’re filming inside you might want to mix in some artificial lighting. Fortunately I stumbled upon a small bit of info quite by accident and the bit of info was: A book page does not equal a page of Microsoft word. So when I had twenty pages done I had actually knocked out eighty. Unfortunately that file was long gone and since I didn’t want the book to read like an overly complex post grad textbook I started anew. I told this story to Tim who said, “Ah, live and learn right?” which is good advice. The thing is the only thing I keep learning is that I’m a moron. Oh, did I mention that you should buy the book?

Now I know why you’re here. So without further ado I give you:

Dexterous Donny’s Delayed Ducats of Debatable Deliciousness
With apologies to the Master

A flash video you have to watch
No really, you have to watch it. Stolen from Chris Nulls blog. That guy can find some good ones.

Game pick
Happy Chelsea

Star Wars EP III Spoof
It cracked me up.

MintyPlayer
Finally a real iPod killer.

Todays Hello Kitty message:
“Hello Kitty Says Seibold Eyes Glisten Like Greasy Rainbows”

Gotta say that hello Kitty has a way with imagery. That knife in the foreground was a nice gift from Todd. Oddly no matter where I leave it the thing ends up next to Hello Kitty. Man, I hate that cat.