Barbie and Ken Break Up

If you haven’t heard by now, it’s official. Barbie and Ken have called it quits after 43 years of dating. Their longtime manager Russell Arons made the announcement
on February 12.

You have to wonder why, in all those years, Ken never proposed. Is he just another of those footloose and fancy free little boy men who want the milk for free? Or was he using Barbie as his beard? Is it just a coincidence that they break up two weeks before San Franscisco legalized gay marriage? (Where’s GI Joe these days, anyway? Didn’t he and Ken room together in college?)

Or maybe Barbie just put her exquisite little foot down and issued Ken an ultimatum. “It’s now or never, Ken” she might have said. “Millions of little girls in over 150 countries have dressed me in bridal gowns for four decades. I want a wedding, dammit!” Ken may have shrugged his little plastic shoulders, grabbed the keys to Barbie’s Jag and roared off in a confused huff.

Mattel has hinted that Boogie Board Blaine from Australia may be next in line as Barbie’s suitor. Might it be possible that he has marriage on his mind? Barbie and Blaine does have a nice ring to it. What if Blaine pops the question? They could become the official spokesdolls for the constitutional amendment defining marriage as between a man and a woman. Now wouldn’t that be something? Wonder what she’d wear to testify before Congress?