All I Want is a Little Space of My Own
Drawing me in…sucking me in…little by little…day by day, you, my darling iBook, are a harsh master. Demanding and jealous, you want all my attention, continuously. It’s as if I no longer have a life of my own.
I’ll admit I was first taken by your easy charms. The novelty of being able to create and correspond, and pack it all with me was a heady feeling. No longer would I have to wonder on which machine the file was on; it was always right there with me. But then I began to feel a bit stifled; a little oppressed. Here you are, always with me, never far away. I began to hum that Police song… “every breath you take, every move you make…”
Email must be always on, to see who still loves me, and to what degree. Am I just a name on a mailing list, or do my correspondents really care? Oh sure, some write me daily, others weekly, some just check in every now and again. But I have to have it on, so as not to miss the important messages.
And Netscape! Always somewhere to go, some link to follow. Who said what in which column, and do I agree with that opinion or not? Either way, I feel the need to post my most erudite opinion on the message board, and perhaps argue with those who disagree with me. What, another new version? Well, I suppose I must have it, to run the pages designed for it. Off to download drudgery.
Whaddya mean I need a plug-in to view this page? Plug-in, indeed. You can take your plug-in and…
Chatting, hello? a/s/l *yawn*, again? Don’t you know I’m a slave to my machine? Be that as it may, please pretty please tell me the story of your disasterous life. Where did all these virtual people come from? Private room? No thanks, but thanks for playing! *buzzzzzzz* Sorry, my applet is not compatible with your applet.
Shareware downloads? Who can live without them? Eating away at my credit card balance each month, five dollars here, ten dollars there… all useful or necessary or fun I suppose, and as I wait for the download, I begin to despair at how they glut your hard drive, which has begun to swell beyond attractive proportions.
RAM! More RAM! You must have more RAM! What are the prices today, better than yesterday? Shopping around to find the best bargain from the most reputable house. Dare I buy from eBay? What if it turns out to be no good? Decisions, decisions. And more time spent on your gluttonous demands.
OS updates. Darn the OS updates! Just as I get used to one and have it running functionally and smoothly, another one comes along. Is 9.0.4 going to benefit me more than 9.0.2? Off to read the boards. So and so had good luck with it, another so and so had not so good luck. Who do I believe?
And who said there’s no software for the Mac? What a bunch of lying SOB’s they are. You know what buying new software means, don’tcha? It means having to spend even more time with you learning how to run the darn stuff!
And then, when you decide to be pissy, you crash. Who knows why? Was it an extension I checked? Perhaps the shareware I downloaded, or the software I’ve installed, has placed something incompatible somewhere. So I spend even more time with you trying to intuit out your demanding little snits.
I know, let’s spend THIS Saturday partitioning your hard drive. It’s not like the birds aren’t singing outside, or there are people to tend to, or flowers to smell, or a river running close by whose waters would soothe me. Let me become a slave to your every whim. Would you also like a clean install? Well, let’s spend all day Sunday doing that!
And it’s not like I spend every waking minute at home with you, darling, I also see you when I go to work. Do the ad layout, keep the books, print the copies, fight with the printer; your erratic and somewhat psychotic first cousin. Hello, tech support (fifteen minutes on hold, my nickel so I fire up a solitaire game), do we need to up the medication? I know the computer doesn’t take prescription drugs. I’m talking about my medication, you know, the one that keeps me calm while waiting for tech support! What, a firmware download is needed? Well, ok, if you think it’s necessary, after all, it’s family.
I remember when spending a week away from the computer was hell. That’s why I bought you, darling, so I’d never be alone again. I can remember longing for a pulsating green light, knowing that there was a hard drive spinning somewhere, waiting for me. And when you arrived I was ecstatic! But no more, no more. Soon, you threaten that hussy OS X will enter our lives, and what will become of us then?
All I want is to love you and be true to you. Why do you insist on continual change? Why must you always be here?
I’m going outside! No! You can’t come with me! I KNOW you have a battery. It’s just that… that… I_Just_Need_A_Little_Space_, OK? OK?
“You’re getting old. And I’m growing newer every day. If you leave me now, you’ll only have Microsoft to comfort you. Unless you want to get into bed with Unix or Linux. Because the way I’m going is a new and exciting way, and you’ll just be left in the dust if you don’t come along.”
*sob* Wait! wait! I didn’t mean what I said. I love you, I do. Just… please, be patient with me. And don’t get mad when I go away once in a while. And don’t get mad when I say this but… I’m a multi-faceted human being. You are a computer. You don’t care if the birds sing. You don’t care if the water runs clear and bubbles over the rocks, the sweet music which soothes my soul. I’ll never leave you forever, just for moments in time. Just for a moment… just in time.