MICROPOLY – My Mac’s Consumer PC Software Game

It has never been more complex for users to purchase, maintain, and use software than right now, at the turn of the millennium. We are plagued with four different, non-compatible versions of the ubiquitous Windows operating system, none of which work as advertised and all of which require command of Windows-specific, arcane, technical trivia just to install or upgrade. The OS has become so cumbersome that the weary consumer has been left with little choice but to purchase applications software from the same company in the hope that it will run with their current version of the operating system. In contrast with Apple’s early marketing slogan “The Journey is the Reward,” the Windows user is plagued with continuous hassle in the form of incompatibilities, meaningless error messages, missing drivers, poor error trapping, control panels from hell, the system registry (every nerd’s adventure game), and a monster lurking somewhere in the heart of every PC called ‘The Blue Screen of Death.’ For the PC user the journey is just the journey, and the overriding goal is to get to the end with some semblance of sanity and self-worth.

Of course, if the Windows kludge were the only problem it would be reason enough to pursue legal action against Microsoft. The reality, however, is that Judge Jackson’s findings have less to do with the company’s incompetence and more to do with its ruthless pursuit of power. Apple, Netscape, Sun, and Caldera are just four of the major players who were hurt by Microsoft’s misuse of power. Damaging the competition helped Microsoft solidify its hold on the market, but acted to stifle innovation and remove much of the incentive for improving the quality of its own products. When Gates sneezes, the whole industry catches a cold and we all end up paying for the medication.

Judge Jackson’s finding that Microsoft is a monopoly and, like most monopolies, blatantly misused its power, prompted me to design Micropoly. Micropoly is a spoof of the popular board game from Parker Brothers. I intend no disrespect to the original game as I spent many hours of my youth so engaged, as did my son and daughter. Monopoly is an ingenious game because it simply engages you in a complex web of human interactions as you scramble to make deals and position yourself ahead of the pack. Micropoly, on the other hand, is not a game at all, but uses the monopoly metaphor to emphasize a point and I hope does so in a semi-engaging way. If you’re reading this online, please note there are several hot links on the board that I hope you will choose to explore.

(About 90% of the way through this project, my brother Jeremiah found a link to another Microsoft/Monopoly spoof at http://www.ms-monopoly.com. I found it pretty interesting as well, and suggest you have a look. Mine is, however, a wee bit more ironic!!! I expect that we’ll see many more of these springing up if the case isn’t settled soon!)

The Rules

OBJECT: The object of the game is to become the least poor Information Technology Director by minimizing your expenditure on software and technical support as you circle the board.

EQUIPMENT: The equipment consists of a board, 2 dice, tokens, No Chance and Community Service Pack cards, a Software Certificate for each Program, Current Version cards, and real money. Note there are no software prices annotated on the board as a monopoly like Microsoft can charge anything it wants. Prior to beginning the game, a list of current prices should be downloaded from the MS website.

PREPARATION: Put the board on a table and put the No Chance and Community Service Pack cards face down on the allotted spaces on the board. Each IT Director chooses one token to represent him/her while traveling around the board. Each player borrows $30,000 from MS to begin the game.

MS/DEALER: Select one player to represent MS/Dealer. The IT Director who serves as the MS/Dealer must keep his/her personal funds separate from those of the MS/Dealer. The MS/Dealer never goes broke. It receives funds from the players in return for software licenses, upgrades, technical support, etc.

The Play

Players must land on a Windows square to begin acquiring software, and that version of Windows becomes the player’s Current Version. The player receives a Current Version Card that indicates which version of Windows is being used. This card must be placed face-up in front of the player in a conspicuous place.

All software acquired will bear the number of the Current Version. If a player subsequently lands on alternate version of Windows, it’s necessary to upgrade all software to make it ‘Compatible.’

When a player lands on an alternate version of Windows, all of the player’s software is designated ‘incompatible’ and the player’s software cards are turned over to reflect this.

When a player lands on a software property, a purchase or an upgrade must take place if the player does not currently own the rights to the referenced software. Upgrades are always 30% of the purchase price as determined by the Dealer. The Dealer has the flexibility to charge any price the market will bear.

When a player lands on a No Chance or a Community Service Pack square, the player draws a card from the corresponding deck and follows the directions on the card.

A player who lands on a Railroad may purchase the railroad if unowned, and subsequently collect MS legal fees from other players. If two railroads are owned, the legal fees are doubled; if three are owned, the fees are tripled; and if four are owned a visitor pays four times the standard legal fee. The owner must pay MS/Dealer 50% of all legal fees collected as MS must continue its innovative legal battle against these companies.

In order to leave ‘The Blue Screen of Death’ a player must roll a total of six, eight, nine, or eleven on the dice in order to reinstall Windows. After three unsuccessful rolls, a player must pay the MS/Dealer $1000 for a new hard drive and can leave on the next throw of the dice.

All fees paid for technical support, taxes, or repairs are placed in the square labeled MS Technical Support. When a player lands on this square, he/she must match the total funds there and the square is then cleared with all funds going to the MS/Dealer. Play continues around the board until one player’s funds are reduced to $999, the purchase price of an iMac. The game ends and the player with the most money remaining is declared the non-loser. (Alas, there are no winners in this game.)

Special squares include Plug and Pray (Pay MS Technical Support $10 times the throw of the dice to install a peripheral), System in For Repair (Pay MS Technical Support $400 for a hard drive replacement), and Office Pro Upgrade (Pay MS/Dealer $250 to buy templates and clip art that should have been included with the original purchase).