Normally I don’t make a big deal out of nor do I beg readers for feedback on what I write in my little corner of My Mac Magazine. I figure that if my unintelligent and meaningless stories make it past the editors and publisher of this fine magazine, I have tricked enough people into thinking that I, Pete Miner, actually have something to say. This is not to suggest that I don’t enjoy receiving email from my readers (all 6 or 7 of you!) because I do. I just don’t actively solicit your opinions. Just as I didn’t solicit the opinion of the person who sent me this email from South Africa:
Subject: Hein from SA
Sent: 1/30/98 3:21 AM
Received: 1/30/98 10:01 PM
From: Astle, email@example.com
HI, I’m Hein and I would just like to say that YOU…
Thank you for your time and just remember
YOU SUCK and I’m Hein from South Africa…
Email address: charmse@mWeb.co.za
for any complaints whatsoever mentioned in the above statement
e.g.: YOU SUCK
PS: Don’t forget, YOU SUCK
Well now, that just about says it all, doesn’t it? Or does it?
After reading this email from Hein, I began feeling a little guilty. I thought that maybe I was reading someone elses email by mistake. For a second I even thought that I was the recipient of mail meant for Monica Lewinsky. But no, it has my address on it, so I must assume it was meant for me. Although Monica, I suspect, has received her share of similar correspondence lately.
Now it’s quite obvious that Hein from South Africa thinks, no… Hein is convinced, that I SUCK. That message I received LOUD and CLEAR. But as to why I SUCK, Hein fails to point to or reference any one thing about me to substantiate my SUCKINESS, making it virtually impossible for me to UNSUCK myself in his eyes.
I take all constructive criticism about my writing seriously, but Hein doesn’t even mention that it’s my writing that SUCKS. I can only assume that it’s my writing abilities that he’s talking about because Hein doesn’t know me personally, so he wouldn’t know whether I SUCK or not, would he?
Let’s assume it’s my stories that Hein has a problem with. That means that Hein read something I wrote in one of three places. He either got a copy of the DOCMaker version of My Mac, read it at the My Mac Online Website, or stumbled upon my own Website, The Macintosh Funnies.
Now I doubt that Hein from South Africa is a regular subscriber to the DOCMaker version of My Mac. In fact, I suspect that Hein from South Africa isn’t what one would call a Macintosh friendly kind of guy. He strikes me as a PC’er all the way.
Did Hein from South Africa read one of my SUCKY columns at My Mac Online? I think not. For him to have done so would have meant navigating through several layers of Web pages just to find one of my SUCKTAMONIOUS articles, requiring an attention span of more than a few seconds, something I’m not convinced Hein from South Africa is capable of.
That leaves my own Web site, The Macintosh Funnies. Did Hein from South Africa inadvertently stumble into my SUCKTACIOUS site only to find himself face to face with the mother of all SUCK, a litany of SUCKAMUSINGS laid out before him in an easy-to-navigate format that even he could understand? Did he then allow himself to get whisked away into the addictive mouse clickings of a SUCKAJOYOUS trip through the SUCKYMEANDERINGS of a bona fide SUCKY writer? I believe this is what happened to Hein from South Africa, and for that I SUCKCERILY apologize.
The only other reason I can think of explaining Hein from South Africa’s letter may be the fact that I readily admit to being a truck driver both in my byline for My Mac and in my initial welcome on my Web page. Could it be that Hein from South Africa has a grudge against truck drivers? Did Hein from South Africa’s wife leave him for a truck driver? Hmmm!?!
Regardless of Hein’s reasons for sending me this email, I would like to openly thank Hein from South Africa for taking the time to write me and providing this fodder, allowing me to fill up yet another SUCKY edition of Miner Thoughts.
Pete Miner (firstname.lastname@example.org)