There Was a Little Bug

Here are four bits of nonsense taken from rumors recently found on the Internet. Caution: I do not vouch for the veracity of all rumors on the Net, not even all ‘facts’ in print. But it does make for a rich source of material.

Will IE 4.0 actually log our every move? Does Joe Montana have designs on a whole state? Firewire – is it hot or not? Will we, along with our beloved MacOS, ever go the way of CHRP?

I don’t know. I do know that the Mac is the best computer for the rest of us. And if Jack wants to wind up on the Internet instead of the Beanstalk, he’d better wise up and ditch the Bean.

‘There Was a Little Bug’

There was a Little Bug
As slippery as could be
He lived inside my Internet

In Microsoft’s IE

I looked in my Computer

And what did I see
Why there was Little Willy

Just looking back at Me

He snapped my Applications
He snapped my new CD

He Snapped my URLs
And he snapped at Me

He got my Applications
He got my MIE
He got my URLs
But he didn’t get Me

‘My Summer Vacation’

e-mail to my teacher

We headed for Montana
It should have been a snap
Dad drove and drove and drove
and drove
But it wasn’t on the map

The signs said North Dakota
As far as we could see
Mom said at least the letters read
‘ND’ and not ‘NT’

Billings North Dakota?
North Dakota Knits?
What happened to Montana?
This vacation is the pits

Our old motel was awfully hot
With the Windows® all nailed shut
We had to find another name
Before they’d open up

So we headed home to Kansas
I thought we’d watch TV
But my favorite station wasn’t there
Sued, they said, right off the air!
I found KC’s KSHB
But Topeka’s lost KS’NT’

So, thanks to guys like Bill and Joe

Who thrive on anti-trust

Hey Teach – I had to let you know
My summer was a bust!

(This eMate really turns me on.)

*Maybe all Joe wanted was the ‘Knits’, but I hear Bill is after ‘NT’ big time.


‘Oh CHRP We Hardly Knew Ye’

A fond farewell to Firewire
Goodbye USB
We’ll miss that Human Interface
And Advanced Technology

The Apple Library’s closed its door
We can’t convert there any more
Newton’s rent was scarcely spent
Oh, shades of Commodore

Au Revoir my StarMax
Motorola’s gone
Now Vertegri is history
DayStar’s barely hanging on

Power Computing fell from grace
Where once they’d led the pack
Too far ahead, they won the race
And therein lost the Mac

Well, so long Greg and Sandy
We wish you all Godspeed
DeLuca’s gone and so is Conn’
Heidi, Marco,George and John*
For all that they’d once believed

Arrivederci Mike and Joel
Say,weren’t they on a roll
Til the changes took their toll
And a single voice decreed
“You guys over achieved!”

So, here’s to the honor we now share
Here’s to the cross that we must bear
Here’s to the sweatshirts we all wear
On every shirt
Yes – Just like CHRP

* From “TimeLine”, TechWire 10/2/97


‘Get A Mac Jack’

“Dear Jack”, one day his mother said
I’m having those Internet dreams
Take the cow to town
Put the money down
On one of those new machines

So Jack went out to sell the cow
He got a bunch of beans
Cause a guy named Bill
And his pal Intel
Looked so good in the magazines

But when Jack got home
Ma pitched a fit
Poor Jack began to sweat
“You silly twit! This can’t be it!”
Ma couldn’t find the Net

No, she couldn’t find the Start part
Her heart was filled with dread
To Ma’s despair, a Fatal Error!
And then the thing went dead

Ma tossed it out the window
Said – “Jack You Take This Back!”
“And don’t return until you learn”
“The good stuff from the crap”
(Unless you want a whack, Jack)

Poor Jack he dragged it back to town
How heavy was that sack
A little kid beside the road
Saw Jack astride his heavy load
And from the side he tallyhoed
“Hey Jack! Just get a Mac!”

If you want to make the scene
You need a mean machine
With a smile (and not a smack)
Cream the Bean

Susan Howerter (

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