If I know you, you’ve already made out your long list of wanted gifts for Christmas. Well, I donâ€™t know you. And even better, you donâ€™t know me. However, we likely have a very lengthy list for Mr. Claus this year.
It could be your mother, your father, your uncle, your pal from years gone by, or your friendly postman. Whoever he or she is, this Santa character better be swimming in cash, because as Mac lovers, we all have one thing in common on our wish list: Triple digits.
You know what you want. Youâ€™re likely having a problem deciding what to get your other Mac friends (unless you are very self-centered and care nothing of others). Fret not, my friends, for I have made up a semi-intelligible list of fine products for you to eye. Read over them, and decide what is best for your pal. Letâ€™s get started, shall we?
Floppy Disks — Yes, good oleâ€™ floppies. This is always a fine gift idea. Of course, getting your pal a box of floppies will not go over too well if he or she got you a new modem or Zip drive. Of course, if you’re the stingy type, this is a great gift.
An extra hard drive — This is a very nice gift for your friends who fill up their hard drives rather quickly. Unfortunately, these can be relatively expensive. So if you have the spare dough, it is a great present. They can use it as a backup for their hard disk, as extra space for files, or as a door stop. You should be able to get a good 1 gigabyte hard drive for about $250-$300. A 2 gigabyte drive will cost you about $500. Of course, if you spend that much on one person, they will think that you either want something or are in love with them.
Wood — Why not?
A new modem — Yup. The speed limit on the Internet has been increased again. The norm nowadays is 28.8bps. We are, however, creeping toward a normal of 33.6bps. The prices here are actually pretty reasonable (unless you are a poor shareware maker who eats scraps for dinner and writes for an online magazine). You can get a Supra 33.6 modem for around $160. You can find some Superfast Modems for about $120. A 28.8 modem is still a good present for those 14.4 users. A 28.8 modem is around $100. Forget a 14.4. Giving your friend a 14.4 modem will only make him wonder why you’re so cheap. As we all know, 14.4 is slow-as-molasses by todayâ€™s standards.
A subscription to â€œMy Macâ€ magazine — Buying your friend(s) a subscription to the deluxe edition of â€œMy Macâ€ is the best thing to do. Your friend(s) will love you for it. Present this gift to your boyfriend or girlfriend on Christmas, and he or she will be yours forever. Why, get everyone you know a subscription! Yes, if you do this, you can conquer the universe and be all-powerful (this is not true). Oh, this has nothing to do with the fact that I write for the magazine.
A subscription to those â€œotherâ€ magazines — Of course, we cannot compete with the big guys of Mac magazines. Get your friend a subscription to one of the â€œBig Fourâ€ as well. For the business guy or gal in your life, think more towards â€œMacworldâ€ or â€œMacUserâ€. For the fun-loving Mac fanatic in your life, get â€œMacAddictâ€ or â€œMac Home Journalâ€. On both ends, I prefer â€œMacworldâ€ and â€œMacAddictâ€. I just love those CDs that come with â€œMacAddictâ€.
More RAM — If you have a friend that has 8 MB of RAM (or possibly even 16), you might want to get him or her some more RAM. RAM prices are still fairly cheap. Of course, you would not say this. You would act like it cost an arm and a leg. Just make sure you order the right RAM chip.
A new Performa 6400 — If you want to get this for a friend, you better start lifting the couch cushions in search of spare change. This baby is around $1900-$2400 (depending on the speed). It has a ton of goodies, like a fast 180 or 200MHz PowerPC chip, 8x CD ROM, 16 MB RAM, 28.8 modem, and a nice case. Start kissing up to your friends. . . Especially the ones who happen to be doctors. Oh, and send me one while youâ€™re at it.
A new PowerBook 1400 — Got a friend who is always traveling? Neither do I. But for those who do, they would love a new PowerBook 1400. This thing even has a CD-ROM drive. Better yet. . . It actually works and stays in one piece.
A mouse pad — Are you really that cheap?
A joystick — I need one. Sad, really. I would love to play some of those ultra cool games with a joystick, but no. . . I am stuck in mouse land. Anyway, you can get some good joysticks for a good price. You could even go all out and barrage the friend with a joystick that has all those weird buttons that do who-knows-what?!
A game — What would the joystick be without a game? I donâ€™t know, you tell me. Good games are easy to find. Any good catalog will have a nice display of games. Again, you will have to dig deep into your pockets for this one. Any new game will be around $50. Yikes!
Norton Utilities — Yes! This is a must for all Mac users. This great program has literally saved the lives of many Macs. If there is a problem, Norton will find it. This is around $90. Yes, that is expensive. It is a great product, though.
Some shareware — Yes! Yes! There is this fabulous shareware on America Online! It is amazing! The artistic beauty moves me to tears. The person that makes the shareware is obviously wonderfully creative. You must get it all. Just search AOLâ€™s software libraries for â€œRadarMen99â€. And do not forget to pay the fabulous creator. Itâ€™s too bad that the poor guy has to live on the street and eat worms simply because the dishonest people of the world refuse to pay him for his shareware!!!
A cow — Donâ€™t we all just love cows. I mean, what is better than a lovely bovine friend?
A bear trap — This will catch those sly little PC users who try to come in during lunch and change your Desktop Pattern.
A Zip drive — Yes, the famous Zip. You can get a Zip drive with a 100MB cartridge for about $150. This is a great present. It provides a good way for your friend to backup their hard drive. It is also a great external storage device. They are very reliable and trustworthy. Plus, it puts the pressure on your friend to get you a great present next year.
A set of various face-cutout stickers — These will be put over the picture of that blonde that has been on every edition of the MacWarehouse catalog since the Revolutionary War. No offense, but she has just been used way too many times. The MacWarehouse folks need to learn the art of variety.
A Jeff Foxworthy CD — It just seems so funny to hear his voice coming out of a Mac.
An Apple mug — Yes, itâ€™s another cheap gift for your die-hard Mac friend. Your friend will love to sit down at his Mac in the morning and sip coffee from his Apple mug. Oh well, it can be a good present to give along with a Zip drive or something.
A PowerTower Pro 225 — Yeah, really. Like you’re really going to shell over nearly $5000 for one piece of killer Mac that accomplishes tasks before you even tell it to do anything. I didnâ€™t think so.
A selection of various 70â€™s memorabilia — Give your friend this if you want to be on his bad side for about three decades. (Editor’s Note: What’s wrong with the 70’s??)
There it is! So, when you finish reading the rest of â€œMy Macâ€ today, go make that Christmas shopping list. Forget prices, itâ€™s the thought that counts (and the wrapping paper). Max out the credit cards! Go hog wild! Watch your friendâ€™s eyes light up as they unwrap their new Zip drive! Experience the joy of giving! Enjoy the pain of debt!
Whatever you do, donâ€™t forget to get your PC friend a gift. A nice bone will do. Ha! Just kidding. Give your PC friend a fruitcake or something. Just something to show you care.
Christmas is right around the corner, and soon oleâ€™ Santa will be tumbling down the chimney (please refrain from tackling him, for he is armed). Soon we will be smelling the sweet smell of pine and cedar. Soon you will be driving to your local Wal-Mart to replace the strand of Christmas lights that didnâ€™t work. Soon you will be getting out the vacuum because somebody dropped another Christmas ball. Soon the stores will fill with women fighting over the last â€œRegis Philbin Look-alike Barbieâ€.
Whatever the case, keep your Mac pals in mind as you shop. Cruise the computer aisle and peruse the catalogs. I am sure you will find a great gift for everyone on your list.
As for me, just send a 6400. That will suffice. I would love to get every reader a brand new Zip drive, but I would have to be either a doctor or Ross Perot. So, instead of the actual drive, I will just get you zip.
So, keep all of this crazy nonsense in your mind as Christmas approaches. Just like me, you will wait until the last minute to shop, in which case you will run around like a chicken with its head cut off and accomplish nothing. And of course, you will end up getting nothing on your list. Instead, you will come home with a tie, a fruitcake and some imitation Tupperware.
The Apple Coffee Mug is available from Sun Remarketing (1-800-821-3221) for $6.95.
All other products are available from other catalogs and stores.
The number for MacWarehouse is 1-800-255-6227. Ask for a free catalog. Heck, you might even get that blonde!
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