One Year Later

It’s been a little over a year since I left the ranks of the computer illiterate and joined the ever growing population of home computer enthusiasts.

I recently asked myself ” What more can I do with my computer now that I know all there is to know about a Mac and can surf the net with the best of them?”

When that little voice in my head quit laughing, It said, “You’re a damn fool if you believe you’ve mastered the computer in just one year of casual use.”

I suppose that little voice was right. Reading David Pogue’s “Mac for Dummies” 2nd edition and having a subscription to “Macworld” doesn’t qualify me as a computer expert. In fact, if I were to be totally honest with myself, I would realize that I have barely scratched the surface in learning the computing capabilities of even my modest little Performa 550.

These are some of the things I’ve learned about computing in my first year.

click a mouse: ( single or double )
type a line: ( I couldn’t type before I got a computer )
insert a disk: ( square or round )
create a file:
save a file:
delete a file:
lose a file:
find a file:
lose a file again: ( learned this one real good )

freeze a screen:
crash a computer:
escape a freeze: ( wearing only a t-shirt )
fix a crash: ( without wrench, screwdriver or hammer )
dial 1 800 sos appl: ( only had to do this once )
install new software:
remove old software:
remove new software:
install old software:
cuss out software:

log on to aol:
wait for graphics: ( you’ve all been here )
wait some more: ( and here )
and some more: ( here to )
yell at screen: ( and most definitely, you’ve been here )
download art valve:
install art valve
log back on:
miss the graphics:
turn off art valve:
wait for graphics:
yell at screen:
repeat viscious circle:

connect to internet:
pick out surfboard:
catch the first wave:
and get lost in the hoard:
hyperlink all night:
from the nasa site: ( )
download a ton:
for later on fun:
take a look at art bell: ( )
for the latest ufo:
end up at “my mac” page: ( )
before I have to go:

Now, I know this is pretty basic stuff but it’s stuff that I had to learn in order for me to move on to bigger and better things in the coming year and beyond. I think this year I’ll start out modestly and work my way up to the more difficult tasks. It might go something like this:

teach myself html:
write a cool web page:
a top 5% web page:
write web pages for big corporations:
make lots of cyberdough:
so I can tell my wife:
see honey, I told you so:

teach myself how to program:
write award winning programs:
maybe a new mac os:
one without a mouse:
without a keyboard too:
you’d only have to look at the screen:
and think what you want it to do:
make lots of programing dough:
so I can tell my daughters:
see girls, I told you so:

build my own computer:
with a gigabyte of ram:
a 52 inch monitor:
viewing all the stuff I can:
a terabyte of storage space:
filled with 2000 mac app’s:
a 10 speed cd-rom drive:
and even a wet bar, perhaps:

mine will have a cloning device:
sort of like the mac:
but when I click on duplicate:
another machine arrives, in tact:
the more I press command and D:
the more machines I get , for free:

I will sell these very cheaply:
make lots and lots of dough:
then turn around and tell the world:
see world, I told you so:

Bill Gates will have to rethink things:
stuck with all those windows:
might have to sell his mansion:
and move into a couple condos:

Don’t worry, I don’t intend to quit my day job and start writing poetry, at least not this year!


Leave a Reply