Okay folks, time for a brief trip back in time. Remember the first time you personally participated in a “fad”? C’mon, don’t be embarrassed. You remember it, no matter how silly it was. Now, I’m not talking about the times when you were a kid, and you did something, or made mom and dad buy you some stupid-but-fun toy, “because everyone else did”. No, I am talking about the first time you went in on a fad, with knowledge and full understanding of what you were doing.
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Boy, this column writing stuff is fun! But, this time out, I have to admit something: I’m stuck. Yes indeed, I am stuck for a column. A lot of ideas come into my head, but a lot of them are just not worth writing about at all.
As late as last week, I was going to do something about how silent the Mac Bashers have been lately, and the possible reasons for it. Nope, not a peep out of them for many moons, and then, POW! Apple, like all the other tech companies, “Warned on lower than expected earnings”. That brought them out. At my place of biz, a well-known Mac basher was practically dancing a hotfoot number worth of “Riverdance”, He was doing all the usual things, saying “Apple’s going out of business!”, and telling any Mac users in the given area that “You’re all going to have to start using real computers!” And always, there was that horrid smile, and facial expression that tried to tell everyone that “I use Windows, so I’m more computer literate than you.” (Yeah, right.) I was tempted to ask him what his definition of a “real computer” might have been, but I decided that such an action would be a colossal waste of time and energy. ( Did I mention that this nitwit is in his late thirties? I think his mother should make him go and stand in a corner.)
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It’s May. (At lease it was, when I started writing this.) National Bike month, according to the League of American Bicyclists, a fine organization of which I am a card carrying member.
Too bad the League’s national offices are down there in Washington, and not up here in Boston. With May typically being cold, wet, and windy, they might consider moving Bike Month to July. “The Season” is getting into full swing. The bike shops are doing land office business on weekends, with hard-core racers standing in line alongside soccer moms, waiting to purchase the best goodies they can afford. (I know they’re soccer moms. I see the enormous SUV’s, with their “Al Gore” bumper stickers, parked in the vicinity of every well-known shop. There’s something of an “oxymoron” there, I think)
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There is something I must confess to all of my readers. (Both of them) Something that is dark and sinister, something I have kept secret for some time. But, I’ve decided to share it with you. Are you prepared to assimilate this knowledge? Good, I thought you would be.
I am a member of an organization that is subversive and illegal. We meet late at night, behind closed doors. We don’t have any code words, or even a “secret handshake” yet, but we’re working on it. We don’t even have an official name. I suppose you might say that we are “the nameless ones.” We have our enemies, and they are very powerful. They seek to conquer us, to bend us to their will. Even Microsoft, with all their wealth and power, pale in comparison to the power of our enemies. So, what activities are myself and my fellow subversives involved in? What is it that makes us so dangerous? Cellular telephones: We don’t use them.
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I think I may have finally figured out why I’m so messed up. Yes indeed, the answer was staring me in the face, and has been for years. Now why am I in such a state of disrepair? Well, I’m in my forties, and I’m still single. To many Americans, that alone qualifies me to be arrested. There are some other “things”: I like to watch a lot of science fiction. I’ve seen every episode of that fine early 60′s television show, “The Outer Limits”, at least five times. In fact, I own my favorites, purchased on VHS tape when they were available. And when the series is released on DVD, I’ll probably buy them as well. (Are you listening, MGM/UA?) When I was a teenager, a great Saturday afternoon would be spent in front of the television, watching “The Outer Limits”, followed by “Creature Feature”. Creature Feature was a local UHF program that showed all those silly-but-good, cheesy sci-fi movies from the 1950′s. Pretty sad, yes? Oh, yeah, I also collect slide rules, and if you are too young to have ever used one of these fine pieces of human ingenuity, it’s really a shame. Oh sure, calculators’ work just fine, but there is nothing like a solid, well-made Slide Rule in your hands, and actually seeing “how it all works”. But enough of that.
It happens to me every year at about this time, and this year, Anno-Domini
XXII, is no exception. I felt it creeping up on me, oh, about mid-February I guess, and now, it is almost March, which is truly the most hateful month of the year, weather-wise, in the Boston area.
March consists of screaming wind, which makes you think you have somehow been mysteriously transported to Venus. But then you remember the science books all tell us that Venus is blasted hot, not cold. Continue reading »
One of my greatest loves, bicycle riding, becomes very labored in March, because no matter which direction I aim myself in, it’s always against the wind. (Explain this, all you Doctor know-it-alls) Things are relatively slow at my place of biz, and everything just seems dead.
I was going to write about something darkly funny this time, but something has come up this week, and I feel the need to vent. It involves the near total collapse of our nations health care system. Sooner or later, it’s going to hit you where you live. I know, because that’s exactly what happened to me, here in Waltham, Massachusetts, this past week. I mean this literally. It has, quite simply, hit us Waltham residents like a scud missile. (And no, that’s not a reference to the urban myth about an Iraqi scud missile hitting the city of Lowell during the gulf war, and causing ten million dollars worth of improvements.)
First, let me explain that in my first forty-five years here, I have been blessed with good health. I’ve been getting annual physical checkups since I turned forty, and everything checks out ok. I’ve had a few minor problems though, such as suffering a “small ligament tear” during the height of bicycling season, two years ago, the occasional bout of winter time colds and flu. Big deal. So, what’s my problem, when there are so many with serious health issues? It’s this: The well-respected, much loved Deaconess-Waltham Hospital is going to close. Yes indeed, another local hospital, with a lot of patients who depend on it for their health care, is going to be shut down, by its parent corporation, Caregroup Health Systems.
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Nope, It doesn’t surprise me at all.
As I have mentioned in some previous columns, I like to bike ride. I don’t race at all, save for a brief flirtation with low-level, “category 5″ racing in the mid-80′s. I ride for the physical enjoyment, the exercise, all the usual “feel-good” reasons. I’ve been doing it for some time, I guess, having gotten my first “ten speed” as a teenager. ( And Parent units; Bikes don’t have ten speeds any more. It’s an old term and you give yourself away when you use it, so please stop using it. ) I’ll digress for a moment, and mention that for a long time, say the 1890′s, until approximately the 1930′s, indoor track bicycle racing was more popular in this country than baseball or football are today. It’s hard to imagine people packing into New York’s Madison Square Garden, not to watch the New York Knicks (whoever they are.), but to watch powerful, skilled athletes race fixed-gear bicycles around a banked track at blinding speed. And none of them used steroids! Imagine that.
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Over the past twenty-plus years of my working in the Massachusetts high technology industry, I have learned a lot of things, some good, and some not-so-good. Among the things I consider to be not-so-good, is a dark, mysterious thing which I have decided to call “Management Math”.
Now, what the heck is Management Math? Well, it’s a set of mathematical principals and formulas which apparently are known only to top-level executives in the high technology business. Don’t go looking for it in any text books at the high school level. And don’t try to find it the old college bookstore either. It just isn’t there. No, it’s not taught to anyone, anywhere. And I’m sure it’s very existence will be denied by big-time executives. But it does exist, and there is proof. The latest piece of evidence which proves the existence of Management Math was in the December 6th edition of the Boston Globe, Business edition. And it’s not pretty. Read on.
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I’m Important, and I can Prove It! This is that time of year when a lot of things happen, some good, and some not so good. Among the things I feel are not so good, are those endless offers that arrive in the mail from credit card outfits. Surely, as a good American, you have received them as well. They come from big banks, little banks, and credit outfits you have never heard of, many located in other states. It’s strange, but a lot of them seem to be located in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. I don’t know why, but this is sort of creepy.
The pitch is always the same: “You have been carefully selected to receive our unique credit card, pre-approved!”. Another version is more of a pitch to the ol’ ego, and goes something like this: “Not everyone is going to receive this outstanding opportunity, but you are among an elite few!”. Or this one: “Someone of your outstanding credit history deserves this credit cart, you’ve earned it”. And on and on they go. There are a few others, some even sound as though they are down on their knees, asking me to please, please, please accept our credit card. Well, if they could fix me up with Tyra Banks, maybe, but please spare me the offers of toasters, ballpoint pens, and cheap calculators that frequently wind up as doggie chew toys.
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This an odd time or year in New England. The time has changed, and we are back on Eastern standard. For those of you living in other parts of country, this means that it gets dark by late afternoon, and the days are indeed very short.
For the most part, the leaves are gone from the trees, save for a few holdouts. The sky has the gray, bleak appearance which is typical of November in New England. Probably the most telling reminder that winter, with it’s storms and long, cold nights, is coming is the wind. When bicycle riding, one notices a lot of things about the environment, things which people traveling by car surely miss. The wind has a steel-like feel to it now, a sensation which was not there a few weeks ago. When it gusts, even at weak speeds of ten miles per hour, it has a feel to it which is cold, raw, and mean. (I dress accordingly, with double layered tights, full gloves, and ear protection, worn under my helmet.)
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It would be a gross understatement to say that a lot of bad things have happened this year, to all of us as a nation, and as a culture. The two things which come to mind right away are the botched presidential election, (which almost lead us into a constitutional crisis), and the hideous, tragic terrorist attack on our nation, the shock waves and aftereffects from which, will be felt for years to come. But in this column entry, I would like to talk about some good news. It’s something I have recently learned, and it has given me some hope, that maybe, just maybe, we’ll be all right. And what is this great thing I have learned?
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Mac Bashers, and Other Tales of Halloween Horror.
One of the things I promised myself, when I decided to start contributing to MyMac.com, was that I would not write about the technical side of Mac ownership and use. The reason? There are already plenty of help sites out there, and plenty of information, from people who know the platform to a much higher degree than I do. The fact that I have been using and loving the Mac since it was introduced in 1984 does not make me a “Mac Genius” by any means. Oh sure, I know some tricks, and I have yet to get into a situation that I couldn’t get out of by myself, but still, I don’t consider myself to be a Mac Genius. ( For example, I still don’t know what an “error of-47 has occurred” means, although I guess I could find out if I wanted to know badly enough. ) Oh, I help people out if I am able to do so, and if I can’t, I refer them to people who can and will.( And if any of you are using system 7.1, I cannot help you. You must get a more modern system, sorry. ) Oh yes, for some odd reason, younger users are fascinated by my tales of such arcane things as “teletype interfaces,” and “Paper punch tape readers,” from those dark days of the 1970′s. Some 20-somethings actually believe that there were dinosaurs roaming the planet back then. Oh well. But enough of that. Today, I have to break my own promise, sort of.
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Well, here it is, that time of year when the big TV networks dump the shows that are stink bombs, (or, those programs that are not pulling in the “desired demographic”, apparently teenagers who spend their time and money at the mall.) and replace them with, you guessed it, more stink bombs. So, being the good little writer that I am, I am once again trying my fingers at writing for tv.
Hey look, I cannot be worse at this, than the people who are doing it now, right? So, here goes: (And I admit, I was wrong about “Dark Angel”. It’s a decent show, and Jessica Alba is a hottie. My “Dirty Old Man” extensions are loaded and active.)
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I’m writing this open letter to the executives all of the big record companies. Hello big time executives. You don’t know me, and in all probability, you never will. Who am I? I’m what your marketing people call “a demographic.” I a single male, in my forties, who has “disposable income.” And several times over the past eighteen months, I have used some of that disposable income to buy CD’s, which have been put there, in the shopping mall music shops, by your companies. Now let’s be up front about this; I am very well aware that I am not as much of a “desirable demographic” as a high school age teen, or college age person. I don’t spend a heck of a lot of my available time hanging out at malls. But I do have money to spend, and I do buy CD’s.
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Banks. What on earth is going on with banks? You remember banks, don’t you? They’re the places where they keep the money. Or at least, they used to be. Today, I have no idea what is going on with the banking system. It hit home with me, while watching the boob-tube one evening. ( I never said I was perfect. ) A very annoying commercial came on. It is a commercial for an outfit called “Citizen Bank”, and it has been running “ad-nauseum” for some time.
It’s one of those television ads that makes any person of a nominal I.Q. go “AAARRRGHHH”! You know, the ones that make you have an almost overpowering urge to hurl a blacksmith anvil through the TV screen, sort of like Wile E. Coyote would do in this situation. ( Or, at the least, use that wonderful “mute” feature on the remote ) Everyone knows of at least one commercial that provokes this reaction.
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Pleasant Valley Revisited. Like most of my fellow aging baby-boomers, I have fond memories of growing up in the sixties. ( And some no-so fond memories ) One of them is of a television program which was called “The Monkees”. Oh, you remember The Monkees? Good. They were sometimes referred to as “The Prefab Four” because a group of television producers picked four young cool dudes to be in this new band, which would actually be a t.v. show about four young cool dudes in a band. Guys in my age group ( About ten, at the time the show aired ) liked the show, because the guys were cool, they played in a band, and they had a cool house, which was full of goofy things. The goofy things were mostly things you would never find in our parents homes.(That’s what made them cool, get it?) Girls of the time liked the show because the guys were all “cute”, and to the surprise of a lot of people, they sounded great when they played together. They did, in fact, have some musical talent. Oh yeah, guys also liked their car, “The Monkeemobile”. It had to be the hottest set of wheels around. It was a 1967 Pontiac ( Who?) GTO, which had been customized into a station wagon and outfitted with “real cool stuff” by custom car tycoon George Barris.
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It certainly is no secret that one of the greatest joys in my life is bicycling. I could go into a lot of details about the health benefits and whatnot, but for now, let’s just say it’s fun. So, here we are, the month of July, and the height of bicycling season in New England. (I do try to ride year round, as much as our New England winters will permit.) The weather is warm, and summer evenings are perfect riding weather. You get the wonderful feeling that comes from riding in warmth, without the sting of raw winter air against your face. And on an evening ride, there is no concern about the sun burning your hide, and giving you skin cancer. Yep, life is good. Or at least, it is until some brain stem with a junk car and a serious attitude problem comes along and spoils it. You know who I’m talking about here: The sub-human species who defy all known medical science by actually living without a brain.
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If you are reading the various things on this website, odds are you’re a Macintosh user. And if you are a Mac user, odds are you have a certain “dislike” of Microsoft and a certain William Gates the third. Well, that’s all well and good with me. I’m a Mac user, and big Apple fan. I don’t agree with all Apple’s decisions, but I still love the innovation that is the hallmark of this company. ( The hockey-puck mouse was not a good idea, however. If you own one, I would suggest you replace it, and stash it in a drawer someplace. The hockey-puck mouse will be one of those “collectables” in about twenty years. Ditto for the cube. )
So, what about Microsoft, or as they refer to it on the various Mac sites, “M$”? Well, I think they do produce some decent stuff for the Mac. No really, put those bricks down, they do. Outlook express is a decent e-mail program that is easy to use, and does what I want it to do. Internet Explorer is a fast, efficient browser. ( Not as forgiving of slow connections as Netscape, though, and I always use strong encryption Netscape for on-line shopping. ) And, as any Mac user will admit, sometimes grudgingly, the Mac platform would be in deep doo-doo without that staple of American business, Microsoft office. In fact, in my regular job, I would be unable to do my various duties without it. So, having said that, I must now ask the question that I wanted to ask. And I ask it because I know it has crossed your mind, at least once. The question:
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I came, I saw, I said,,,,,, nothing.
But this is one very fine website, yes?
Comments. Be heard!
MyMac Podcast #403
Review
Review
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