Yes, Virginia, Santa DOES use UPS
A true Christmas story

Did you happen to see the commercials during Christmas showing the UPS man helping out Santa? Well, I'm here to tell you it is true. Let me tell how I know this.

Besides writing a column for My Mac, I have a couple other jobs, one of which you may have read about in my past columns. I work at a Top 5 PC/printer manufacturer as a subcontractor. Yes, I deal with Windoze all day long. Whuff. I also have another job. I work as a staff minister at my church.

I'm quite involved, as you might imagine. Besides my regular ministerial duties at my church, I produce quite a bit of our desktop publishing and designs, from newsletters and advertising to our letterhead. While surfing the web recently I read about Tektronix giving away printers http://FreeColorPrinters.com to businesses. All you had to do was to submit an application (it's quite a long one). They would review it and then let you know if you were approved for the printer. The only catch is you have to buy the ink from them. Doing all the desktop stuff, I decided to go ahead and apply. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Being a small church, we simply do not print enough to qualify for their free printer. However, the thought was still in my head to get a good color printer for the church. Some weeks later I'd remember this thought when I received a package, actually two.

Just a few weeks before Christmas I was expecting a package from Dr. Bott http://www.drbott.com. I was writing a review (elsewhere in this issue) of the new USB MoniSwitch from Dr. Bott. A PCI card from them would enable my desktop Mac with USB. There was a note on my door one Tuesday night from UPS. They had tried to deliver the PCI card to me, but they would try again the next day. The note mentioned a "signature is required." That surprised me, as it was not that expensive of a product. I just figured that Dr. Bott was being careful with their products. I can't blame them. There was something else on the note. The handwriting was quite bad, but it appeared that it also had the word "Epson" on the note. Well, it could have said Epson, it could have also said "from" but I wasn't sure, the handwriting was that poor. I just figured it was a mistake.

Luckily, I could arrange to have someone sign for my delivery since I would be away at work, naturally. When I returned, I found a surprise. It wasn't just a surprise. It was a huge surprise! Besides the PCI card there was a very large box, huge really. I looked at the box and it clearly read "Epson" on the side. I was puzzled and perplexed. Dumbfounded really, that there was this large box. I hadn't ordered or purchased any other products for delivery, certainly not from Epson. Scratching my head, I just didn't know what this was about.

The packing slip was no help. It had my name and address. After reading the rest of it I realized it was a completely refurbished Epson Stylus Color 3000! It was then that I began to drool and entertain fantasies that Santa had begun to use UPS instead of reindeer! It couldn't be mine, could it?

My first thought was that this would be so perfect for the church!! Posters, banners, newsletters, and so much more. Could this be courtesy of My Mac? Other staff members had received hardware in the past; however, Tim assured me that it had not come from My Mac. Drats!!

I was completely perplexed.

Despite having my name on the packing slip I knew it couldn't possibly be mine. It had to be a mistake. I decided to open the box and see if there was any indication whom the real owner was. I found nothing inside except a report on the printer's repairs.

Since this was a $3000 printer when new I decided that I'd go ahead and call the number on the packing slip and try to figure out who really owned this printer. I'd be missing a genuine 1440x720 dpi large format color printer if it were mine!

I wasn't looking forward to the call, knowing that it would be an exercise in frustration. I wouldn't be wrong. Before I made the call I took one last chance to solve the situation on my own. I looked in the phone book, hoping there would be another Bob McCormick in the book. If so, I could call, confirm they were expecting a printer and get the situation resolved myself. Once I realized there wasn't, I realized this printer could belong to anyone, anywhere in the country.

Next morning I called the number listed on the packing slip. The first person I spoke to was kind but no help. Naturally, I was sent to the next department. I explained to person after person and department after department that I didn't own this printer and that they needed to arrange to pick it up. One person told me that UPS made the error and it would be my responsibility to call them for a pick up. I explained that was not true. UPS had made no mistakes at all. UPS had delivered the printer to the exact address on the box. The repair center had sent it to the wrong person and address. I went on to tell them that I had been inconvenienced enough with the situation and they would have to rectify it.

Situations like this can be most frustrating. I just saved them approximately 1500 dollars by reporting their error but no one I spoke to seemed appreciative of this. No one wanted to take responsibility for the situation. If you aren't careful these situations can get out of hand, leaving you holding the bag. I was determined not to have that happen.

After several representatives and several departments I finally got the name of a person who would help me with this situation, Stacy. When I asked for her 800 number so that I could contact her as I had to leave for work, I had spent a better part of my morning on the phone. The rep told they had none. I then explained that I had spent enough of my money and time on their mistake this (hopefully last) person would have to contact me.

Not long after I got to work, I got a call from Stacy. I was firm explaining, again, that this printer didn't belong to me and that they would have to arrange to pick it up at my convenience. I wasn't trying to be a hard nose about this, but it seemed odd that I would have to jump through all these hoops to correct their mistake.

Stacy asked if I had UPS pick up at my work. When I told her the name of the company, I work for (their very sizeable competitor), Stacy wasn't enthusiastic about that option. I then also informed her that the printer weighed nearly 60 lbs. and I wasn't too excited about lugging that around anymore. Furthermore, quite literally, it would not fit in my small two seater car!

Stacy said she'd have to send me a call tag and that UPS would pick it up. I explained that I didn't get home until after 6 p.m. and the pick up would have to take place after that time. This was a concern for her as UPS doesn't make appointments.

After more than a week of waiting there was still no call tag. Ironically in my talks with Stacy, I discovered she still didn't understand what I had. She asked again if I'd put it in my car and drive it down to UPS. I explained again that it physically would not fit in my car. She said she would do what she could. I then told her that there was an Epson dealer nearby and maybe she could have them pick it up. She couldn't make this work for some reason.

In our conversations I asked, "Do you even know who owns this printer?" She confessed that they didn't. I asked if that person would ever get their printer. Stacy told me that after this long, the actual owner already had a new printer as a replacement. Stacy was just as helpful as could be. She was trying hard to accommodate me and my schedule in this strange situation. She then mentioned that she would send along some cartridges for the printer that I did own.

Once I realized that the actual owner already had a new printer I decided to go for broke. It had been all I could do not to hook up the printer and "test it" for them while it had been in my possession.

I then told Stacy that I also was a staff minister at my church explaining I did all the desktop publishing and that we had just moved and we were in need of brochures, posters, and banners. Continuing, I quickly told her about seeing my name and address on the box and how I tried to figure out who in the world sent it. Also telling her about applying for the Tektronix printer and finally thinking that it was the best present I could receive!

She laughed and said, "You must have thought it was a gift fom God!"

"YES!" I exclaimed. I asked her if she could possibly find any way to donate the printer to the church.

Instead of the usual hemming and hawing I was expecting, she said something quite unexpected. "Let me see what I can do for you."

I was just jumping out of my skin with anticipation! Later in the day I had a message to call her back. I quickly called.

"Bob, Merry Christmas, the printer is yours!" I nearly squealed with delight! Asking her what she needed from the church for their records, a receipt or our tax ID number. She quickly said, "Nope, I don't need any of that. The printer is yours!"

I thanked her profusely, wished her a Merry Christmas and after getting off the phone I jumped up and said, "YESSSSSsssss!" Happy Dancing ensued!

So, yes, Virginia, Santa Claus does use UPS!

Bob McCormick
bob@mymac.com