My Mac is privileged to present the best from As the Apple Turns, a Macintosh news and insight website presented in the style of a continuing saga. But culling the best of Jack Miller is no easy task, and we wish we could reprint them all. While we can't do that, we are at least able to choose a small sampling of his work and present them here as they appeared on his website. Enjoy the ongoing Mac soap opera, and when you get a chance, be sure to check out his website for your daily dose of drama! http://www.infoxczar.com/atat

It's Payback Time! (12/21/99)

Looks like the spirit of the season is making its mark on AirPort reviews. Just a couple of days ago we awarded AirPort the coveted "Most Maligned Apple Product of 1999" award, based on product reviews likening the Base Station setup process to trying to pry out one's own larynx with a shrimp fork. MacFixit originally recommended readers not to buy AirPort equipment, due to the trouble they had getting the gear to work. Suddenly, though, the tables seemed to have turned. The Wintel-oriented ZDNet AnchorDesk just posted their own take on Apple's long-awaited wireless networking equipment, and the review is a distinct thumbs-up.

Oh, sure, you have to get past the overt anti-Apple sentiment embedded in the article's very title: "Surprise: Apple Makes Wireless Networking Great." (Some of us aren't exactly surprised, buddy.) But once you do, you'll find that editorial director Jim Louderback has all kinds of wonderful things to say about AirPort. If Apple's looking for excerpts to slap on the AirPort's box, here are a few of the more glowing phrases: "well worth the wait"; "installation was simple"; "the performance and connectivity was great"; and "it's fantastic." Okay, so the phrases aren't exactly colorful; we mentioned these are Wintel folks, right?

Here's where the delicious irony kicks in: the "only beef" Louderback had with the AirPort was that "Apple only sells Mac-enabled versions." Yup, you heard us right-- these are Wintel folks complaining about a Mac-only product. Oooo, payback is sweet, isn't it? Not that the author doesn't have a valid point; Apple probably could crank out an external USB AirPort module for non-AirPort-ready Macs and PCs with a free USB port. But considering the trouble some people have had getting AirPort working properly for their Macs, we hope Apple holds off on making additional equipment until the current stuff's working a little more smoothly.

Cosmic Suckiness (12/21/99)

Houston, we have a problem. Let's say you're an astronaut risking your life in outer space. You're brave enough to trust that your craft won't burst into flames and that your ground control crew can get you through any potential tight squeezes. But would you feel comfortable knowing that your safety and welfare is relying on Windows? We thought not...

Yes, according to a Reuters article kindly pointed out by faithful viewer Jerry O'Neil, apparently it's not enough that the Discovery crew is risking life and limb to repair the Hubble telescope-- NASA's also making them deal with Windows and its attendant bugs. Apparently the shuttle crew is able to receive email sent by NASA, which is used to "transmit some vital information" as well as to send hometown news to help ward off homesickness. But all was not well when the crew tried to retrieve their email a couple of days ago: "It's just coming out as x's and o's," reported astronaut John Grunsfeld. Luckily, that particular message was just a hometown news update, and not some of that afforementioned "vital information." The actual important data did get through-- though the crew had trouble getting it to print.

The article doesn't go into detail about what the crew had to do to get their email and printer working properly again, noting only that "Grunsfeld struggled with the Windows-based application and a balky printer for much of the morning." Shadowy and incredibly unreliable AtAT sources assure us that Grunsfeld spent over forty-five minutes on hold after calling the printer manufacturer's tech-support line-- and long distance charges from space are murder. So much for your tax dollars going to good use. All we can say is this: if NASA ever starts sending incredibly sedentary and out-of-shape television producers into space, we're not going until they let us use Macs. The last thing we need is to be missing the majestic beauty of seeing the earth from space because we're fiddling with IRQs after Windows plug-and-pray futzes with a registry setting.

First Out The Gate (12/15/99)

C'mon, folks, let's have a hearty round of applause for Microsoft! They've finally finished Windows 2000 (The Operating System Formerly Known As NT 5) and sent it off for duplication-- "right on time." Well, okay, maybe it's not right on time; in fact, by some counts, it's three years late. But that's the joy of operating system development: if it's going to be late, just rename it, and voilą! Suddenly it's ahead of schedule! Faithful viewer Jerry O'Neil pointed out a Wall Street Journal article with more details.

Now, before you get all indignant about Windows 2000's name change, don't forget-- Apple's an old pro at that game. Mac OS X's been through so many name changes and reconfigurations it's hard to believe that Apple bought NeXT a whopping three years ago. There was Rhapsody Premiere (originally due in January of 1998!) and Rhapsody Unified, which then got morphed into Customer Release 1 and 2, with different feature sets and release dates. But CR1 was due in "early summer 1998," and when that date started to slip, it was recast as Mac OS X Server and slated for the end of summer. It finally shipped in March of the following year. And we're still waiting for "the real thing," now known as Mac OS X, which was originally due ages ago and now probably won't see the light of day until perhaps May of 2000. (That's just a guess, by the way.)

Sadly, this means that Apple missed a golden opportunity with Mac OS X. If it had shipped before Windows 2000, it would have had a much better chance of making inroads into enterprise settings. Now, though, Windows gets another head start-- and the beta testers seem to be very happy with Microsoft's latest "heavy duty" OS. The real test will be what happens once it becomes commercially available in February, but if we were Steve Jobs, we'd be sweating right about now-- apparently Barnes & Noble's entire online store consists of systems running a beta of Windows 2000, so that bodes well for the product's stability. And you know that by now, Windows users have had their expectations lowered so far, if Win2000 doesn't burst into flames when the CD is removed from the box, people will call it the best OS ever created.

Always a Bridesmaid (12/19/99)

Sigh... Another year, another snub from the meanies at Time Magazine. Poor Steve Jobs; here's a man who pulled off one of the greatest turnarounds in history in a classic story straight out of Hollywood (boy cofounds company, boy is ousted from company, boy returns to save company by building translucent computers), and he can't seem to catch a break in the "Person of the Year" awards. While he really should have been awarded the title last year for introducing the iMac, we figured he'd at least get it a year late, since 1999 hasn't exactly been a small year for him, either-- at Apple, he trotted out the G4s, the iBooks, and the new and improved iMacs, while his other company Pixar kicked box-office butt with the release of Toy Story 2. And yet he got passed over for that Jeff Bezos guy over at Amazon.com.

Yup, Bezos is 1999's Person of the Year. Nothing against Jeff or Amazon-- we like the site, we use it, we've found great deals, and our Christmas shopping was greatly simplified. But Steve's starting to look like the Susan Lucci of the Time award, so we can't help but feel a bit sorry for him. At least he made the cut of ten "People Who Mattered," wedged in between Jiang Zemin and Maddy Albright. (Strange bedfellows indeed...) And it's nice to see that they've updated the classic photo of Steve snuggling an iMac-- now it's an iMac DV Special Edition. Awwww...

Still, if Lucci could finally snag an Emmy, we figure there's always next year for Steve. Hopefully he'll start campaigning right away. Perhaps you can do your part to help the cause; right on the main POY page, Time's asking whether or not people agree with their choice. When last we checked, more people agreed than disagreed-- but not a lot. Perhaps we can shift that a bit and give Steve a little head start on next year's race...

Mac-Friendly Fox (12/19/99)

So we were kicking back on the couch Sunday night, watching Fox with one eye and surfing on the iBook with the other. Our Christmas cards were all sent, most of our shopping was done, and, after a heinous all-night frenzy of giftwrap and packing tape (don't try this at home, kiddies-- we're trained professionals), almost all of the presents for out-of-state friends and family was firmly in the hands of the U.S. Postal Service. Sure, there was more to do-- but it was time for a break.

And how gratifying that break was. First, as faithful viewer Phil Duffy notes, the special Y2K Hysteria episode of King of the Hill showed Hank buying Peggy a Y2K-compliant replacement for her ancient and beloved Kaypro computer-- and it was clearly shown to be an iMac. "I got you the Blueberry one," says Hank. Score one for Apple in the raging battle for cartoon market share. (Also, an ex-Dell employee was portrayed as mean, spiteful, and paranoid-- an added bonus. And maybe it's just us, but the brusque salesperson who was incapacitated when the store's computer system crashed had Best Buy written all over him.)

But that's not all; as faithful viewer Scott Hadley reminds us, Microsoft took its lumps on the holiday episode of The Simpsons. For those of you who missed it, the season's hottest toy turns out to be a doll programmed to destroy all other toys-- how's that for anticompetitive behavior? "Just like Microsoft," quoth Bart. Out of the mouths of brats, and all that. Ah, Fox-- what outrageously good deed must we have performed in a past life to deserve you?

Jack Miller
jackm@infoXczar.com