I was getting a little pissy the other day because here it is, almost the year 2001 and I’m still not living like the Jetsons. Where’s my Rosie the Maid, my AirCar and my Automatic Dressing Machine? Sheesh…MasterCard sent me a new card a few weeks ago with an obscene limit. I could even afford the Jetson’s lifestyle now. But, when I go shopping, all I find is this stupid little robot dog that everyone from Sears to Wal-Mart wants me to purchase, except I won’t because I have no use for it. Where is Rosie the Maid?

I’m Jane Bland, and because I get up and go to work everyday, I now have an unlimited amount of credit.

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Happy music. Twinkling lights. Good cheer. All the ingredients of the happy holiday season. Some people, though, do not look forward to, and, in fact, dislike the phony and commercial aspects of Christmas. Many are fearful of being lost and alone while everyone else appears to be in high spirits. To these people, the holidays brings a combination of fear and distaste.

Heather MacLeod surveyed the surroundings of her new apartment. She was content with what she saw. It was the result of years of hard work and struggle. She had a list of chores to do in the apartment on her first morning. She turned on the television to keep her company and began with a selection of pictures to hang. As she picked up the first picture she heard TV commentators describing the seasons Santa Claus parade. She stopped in her tracks to turn to look. Was it possible? With the move uppermost in her mind she had lost track of the fact that Christmas was fast approaching. A feeling of dread overpowered her like a storm cloud in August. She loathed this time of year – all those people walking about buying unnecessary trinkets for undeserving recipients. Then there was the false levity of the season. She felt a migraine starting at the base of her neck.

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THE ETHICS OF PALINDRIN ON THE WEB

YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE DONE

So your web site is finished. It is beautiful, professional, and best of all, it communicates your content perfectly. You even have CGI and HTML scripts in place on a professional business server to track all your customers. These scripts even provides you with a list of all the URLs of the people who visited your site. Your web site is also published in very prominent places, and you are getting an increasing number of hits each month.

So why is it that people are not returning to your site after the first visit? Why are they subscribing to your services and then dropping out at a rate of nearly 100 per cent?

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I live in Utah, or as I so fondly think of it, as Stepford. There are God cages on every corner and Sundays are pleasant and peaceful because most of the neighbors are in church for three hours, giving testimony and crying and studying scriptures. Which gives me plenty of time to dance naked in the backyard sprinklers if I’m so inclined. I should explain, it’s Southern Utah, the desert. And my backyard has a six foot privacy fence. Sometimes on Sundays in the winter it gets warm enough to sprinkler dance. If I’m so inclined. During the summer, Sunday sprinkler dancing is a given. We all honor God in our own ways.

I’m Bland, Jane Bland, and I mow the lawn when it needs it.

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So there I was, shopping in the local Circuit City. I had wanted to buy the Gladiator DVD, as it was at least three of four bucks cheaper there than anywhere else. Then again, the closest Circuit City is 25 miles from my front door, so the cost of gas alone makes the savings nonexistent. I have tried to explain that to Julie, but she just does not seem to get it.

“Let’s just get it here.” I will say at store A.

“But, it is cheaper at store B.” she will reply.

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